I Would Risk It But...

In my life I’ve taken some risks here and there but it’s safe to say that I’ve stayed away from situations where I could potentially get hurt. There have been some situations I still wonder about but it is too late to go back. Things happen for a reason, that’s true but I always wonder what could have happened if I built up the courage to pursue it.

When it comes to love, I’ve always been scared. Maybe my past experiences has something to do with it but past experiences should never prohibit me (or so I say) but I feel like I’ve learned my lessons and should remain very cautious. Some people think that I have walls around my heart, little do they know I have mountains made out of boulders. I rarely find people’s words genuine and I have trouble trusting people in this crazy world of ours. But there is this one person that has made me throw out everything that I have ever known out the door, just to take a risk. A leap of faith.

To that someone:
I know that we may not be on the same page when it comes to love but know this…I could care less if you feel like you have nothing to offer me because in the end, I just want you. Nothing satisfies my soul as much as your company. Let’s reconnect on your own time. I’m not in a rush but I just don’t want an opportunity to pass me by. I just want you to know how I feel before it’s too late. I know that time may be our enemy at the moment but together we can slow it down a bit. You give me butterflies that come alive only when you are around. I’m nervous to look you in the eyes because I feel transparent with that stare of yours and when you touch me, I try hard not to push away because as much as I love it, I’m afraid you’ll feel the pace of my heartbeat. I don’t know how you feel but I’m tired of playing it safe. I’ve never done this before but even if I’m left with nothing at all, I’m willing to take this risk just for you.

i've noticed...

Now that summer is officially here, I've been spending more time with family. People would think that since school is out, that I would be letting loose but working 16-hour days have worn me out a bit.

After a workout session, My cousin and I went and ate Genki. After that we ate some yogurt.

We had some interesting conversation topics and it hit me when she said, "you make the game into an art." I've noticed that since I was 15, I've worked my ass off in order to take care of myself and my responsibilities. I've always been so caught up in the hustle that sometimes I've never stopped to smell the flowers, to pause for a bit and appreciate the little things. Spending time with family these past couple weeks have made be realize that no matter who breaks my heart, with all of my flaws, no matter what happens, they will always be there--to love me unconditionally.

My cousin also noted that I always have to be doing something because it makes me feel as if "I'm being productive." That may be the case but as I think about it, I'm constantly on the grind because it keeps me occupied and sometimes it fills the void of not having a significant other. However, what i fear the most is that I will be where I want to be career-wise and I will be there all alone--no one to share it with. But what can I say, things like love have become more complicated as I've got older and rarely do you find genuine people that want to know the real you without having alternative motives. My cousin (who is also my best friend) says that I get bored easily which is true but its because I have to be stimulated intellectually. In the end if a person and I can hours of wonderful conversation over topics that go up and down the range, then you got me on the hook. Because appearance can fade, the financial situation can disintegrate, and people can only talk so much. For me countless conversation leads to trust because conversation reveals so much about a person and gives you an idea of why they are the way they are.

"when it hits, you have to make it worth the fall"