Tell me...I want to know.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

The Love Factor

I can't help but look into those eyes of yours. The same eyes that has raised my heart to new heights but at the same time has shattered it in mid-flight. The past is something that we both can't change but I guess when we decided to go on this unexpected adventure, you could not ease your grip on that piece of baggage that you carry.
  
Lord knows how hard I've tried. 

I'm torn because I want us to work. I want us to live this lifetime being together. I know that life will put us on a  roller coaster of a ride but a part of me believes that if we are together, we can make that ride worthwhile...that together we can conquer the world.

As much as I want that to be our reality, a part of me wants us to move on because I shouldn't have to persuade you. If your heart is not in it then there is really nothing that I can do. I shouldn't have to make exceptions because I'm in love with you. If you want me in your life, you'll make the effort to keep me. No matter how much we grow, you remind me how we just aren't going to work. We will continue to make excuses for things that we can't wholeheartedly confront .

The moment you looked into my eyes and told me you that you loved me but wasn't in love...as much as I want to forget it, it replays over and over in my head as my heart slowly disintegrates. I guess I'm puzzled because I played by all the rules and gave everything that was left in me yet I still wasn't good enough for you.

I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved you. Although as we close this chapter of our lives, I know that you'll never find someone that will love you as much as I do. My heart would take a bullet for you, it's just sad to know that right now with all this heartache...you are behind the trigger.


I know we hold on to each other because we are comfortable and we are aligned on so many levels. However, maybe we are the right people but at the wrong time. We will never know. Even though this may be hard for us to do, it's time we face reality and let go. But I guess with us, the hardest thing in life is letting go of what you thought was real.



...."Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity...See I know what we've got to do, You let go and I'll let go too."...

Farewell 2011

When 2011 started, I went into the year with an attitude of optimism and hope. However this crazy roller coaster of a life decided to take me on several detours and unplanned drops. I thought that I was well prepared to enter the new year with the lessons learned from the previous but as it panned out, life had more things to teach me.

I was blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people this year. I had to bid a due to some but I was able to  create new relationships while being able to strengthen existing ones. When people cross your path in life, I believe it is in contribution for a bigger purpose. Sometimes the purpose is unknown at the current moment and sometimes the overlay of paths vary in length but there are things that people teach you; it helps build your character but it also helps tear down your walls of ignorance. Many of us often forget that we are not perfect and in the end, we are all human.

Along with the wonderful people were the beautiful experiences. A wise man told me "do not lose the romance of life." So, I pushed myself more than ever to take leaps of faith. We all want something to better ourselves but we are often scared of the unknown. I put myself out there and put myself in the most vulnerable situations. I didn't have time to be scared because when it comes to something that you really want in life, the worst thing that can happen is that you are told no. Rejection prepares you for something better and gives you motivation to strive for better. Rejection and determination this year helped me reinvent my craft, helped my career, allowed me to travel and helped me create memories that I will never forget.

I learned to not get lost in the crowd, to stick to my beliefs and to never forget my worth. I feel that once you lose who you are, you lose the essence of what you been striving for and you lose vision of the person that you have been working to become. I've worked 50+ hour weeks and it became a breath of fresh air to take a personal day, filling in my own agenda with things that I really wanted to do. Money is an essential tool to function in this world but it isn't an essential piece to achieve happiness.

I had my heart broken this year but I also learned how to open my heart in ways I never knew. I cried tears of sadness this year but also smiled with tears of happiness. I went to hell only to be brought back to life and I fell down hard only to get back up to work even harder. All in all, this past year was full of passion and love.

I know that 2012 has more things to bestow upon me and I'm looking forward to every second of that roller coaster ride of a life. "It should never take you a new year to realize that you need to change something." Life will not wait for you so don't second guess yourself, take a risk and seize every moment that comes your way.  I promise you, you won't regret it.

"I won't worry and I won't waste my time. Don't let the days go by...breathe in each moment, you can find hope."

Dear No One,

I know when you are around me, I can come off as independent, strong and hard-headed. I know that I live a fast pace life and sometimes I don't acknowledge you because I'm caught up in the grind but there are some things that I think that you should know. Some things that you should keep in mind and some things that you should never ever forget.

If there is one thing that can hit the spot, its talking about love. I can only explain so much about the situations I have been through with love. I can tell you about the times where I felt like I was in a fairytale, at the top of the world even...I can even tell you about the journeys where I've been to hell and back.

I may not know everything about how to conduct a perfect relationship but these are the very few things that that I know about love: that is loving without judgement, loving with all that I have and most of all loving no matter the circumstance.  That is all I have ever known and is the way I continue to keep loving. Just know that I'm trying my very best with what I have left.

I'm a little rough around the edges and I may come off as someone that's cold-hearted. I don't mean to push people away it's just that many times you have to be careful who you open up to because only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious. 

Out of everything that you can offer, all I ask is for you to give me everything that money can't buy. Pull me close me when I feel like I'm falling apart; kiss me on the forehead and sooth me when I'm sick; hold my hand and walk with me when I'm afraid...these are all things that have the most value and these are moments that I would not trade for the world.

Love is all about balance and there is a reason why love found us when we weren't looking. We may not always have a smooth path in front of us but just know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you.  If there is one thing that everyone needs, in the end...we all need love and I promise, I'll love you till the end.


So until then, all we can do is be patient because when the time comes, we both will know it was worth the wait.


..."I’m done lookin’, for my future someone because when the time is right you’ll be here. But for now dear no one, this is your love song"...

To the men that love(d) me

I know that it was hard, when I told you that I needed to walk away. Knowing just how much you loved me and knowing what you would have done for me to stay, I still chose to leave. And now here I am thinking about what could have been.

We have so many memories. Memories that remind us of our hurdles, memories of elation and most of all memories of love. It's funny how I told you we couldn't be because I didn't want my selfish ways to hurt you. Although who was I fooling because in the end, I ended up hurting myself instead. Yes things happen for a bigger purpose and when it comes to relationships, our hindsight is 20/20 but here I am mad at myself. I've taken off my glasses and have wiped it down with my senses, seeing the picture a little too late.

You are a good man and I know that you deserve better than me. I know I've told you that I'm trying to concentrate on myself and my dreams. Although those are true, after the ordeal with you I've been trying to tell myself to live my life with no regrets; just to convince my soul that forgiveness has been granted for all of the self-inflicted pain. I used the past as an excuse so that you could wave your white flag out of the relationship realm but here I am wishing for you to be sitting right next to me, wishing we could go back to how it used to be.

I turned away from you, someone that truly loves me; so that I could try something new with someone else. However, he doesn't feel for me the same way and now Im walking in the shoes you were previously in.  Here I am even harder on myself because I'm repeating the same mistake; leaving people that love me to chase people that could care less. This new guy is amazing and I wish he could see just how much I love him but nothing I do seems to be get through to him. The emptiness that he is making me feel bewilders my mind because I can only imagine the pain that I had put you through.

For all of the pain that I have caused, I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me. They say that people should not take an eye for an eye and I thank you for not having any hard feelings against me. But for some reason karma is taking out my vision as we speak and for the moment, my heart remains blind to this all. Thank you for seeing the good in me and most of all, for everything that I put you through...thank you for still loving me unconditionally.


..."Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? I wish nothing but the best for you."...

Europe Reflection

I recently just went to Europe for two weeks. I must say that it was the most life changing experience of my life. I told myself that after I finished graduate school that I would visit one country a year, with this trip I was able to visit five . I ate good food, met new people and saw things that I have only seen in history books. I can't say it enough but my mind, body and soul needed this. This gave me an opportunity to just simply be me with no itinerary and by no rules but mine. As I traveled during this trip, I also was able to reflect. Reflect on my life; reflecting where my life had been, where it is now and where I want to go...with the people that I need to leave behind while continuing with selective ones through this journey called life. Below is a a piece that I wrote that basically shows what was going through my mind during the best two weeks of my life.

Your mind is racing, planning out tomorrow, the week, the month.
Buying valuable time that you can't even afford.
Too worried about what the future may hold from the decisions that you make today.
Yet too scared to re-live the mistakes of the past.
Letting people auction off your self-worth, bit by bit.
Playing the blame game by substituting luxury with joy that is only temporary.
Listen to me when I say that your soul can't stop searching because what you've been looking for is right in front of you.
So stop running baby.
Just. Stand. Still.
It's the simple things that you tend to forget
Don't seek cover when it rains, dance in it and let it wash away all of your sorrows.
Leave what has been designated as your priorities behind and drive.
Steer aimelessly with your inner conscious deciding your destination.
Focus on nothing but the beautiful that is you.
Greet the sun and let it caress every inch of you.
Close your eyes and just breathe.
If you must, let out all that you have manifested.
Let your tears run with the ocean.
Smirk at yourself as you gaze into the horizon.
Indulge in your blessings, listen to your heart and find enlightenment in the shades of gray.
Because your are capable of anything that you set out to do.
Don't settle baby, just don't.
Stop dreaming and stop wondering of how it's suppose to be.
Take the lead and create the unthinkable.
Because you deserve so much more, it's just up to you if you believe that you deserve it to.

Stay tuned to nonstophonolulu.com, as I bring you exclusive blogs and photos of the trip.

It's Okay

It’s okay to fall apart sometimes.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
All those pieces you’ve been holding for so long while you raced around your life looking for the last roll of scotch tape, go ahead, let 'em fall.
Every last piece.

It’s okay to scramble.
You don’t have to always be calm.
All those plans you’ve been stringing together like a bead necklace.
Every last one is beautiful, so beautiful, so go ahead.
Keep grabbing at everything you ever wanted, especially those things you feared you’d never have.

It’s okay to hope against hope.
This is not the time to be reasonable or rational.
Run, run as fast as you can against the tide.
When the last wave sweeps over you
and every hope seems to be dashed
You will still be here, right here, and you will not be sorry.

It’s okay to cry.
Even if you feel as if each tear is an accusation against your strength, your resolve, your natural equilibrium.
Cry in the car.
Cry in the shower.
Cry in bed when no one is listening or looking.
Berate yourself for not being able to get it together and then cry anyway.
How else will you know you lived, if not for these tears.

It’s okay to be lost.
Toss the map.
Leave the keys in the car.
Get out and walk.
Forget about everything you ever knew.
Crumple up those directions and move now from memory.
The memory of your heart.
The memory of your breath.
The memory of that one time you laughed so hard you cried.
The memory of that one kiss, the one that left you longing to be loved.
At the end of your unraveling,
you will look down and see your own feet that have carried you so, so far
and you will decide for once that it is okay
to sit down
to rest
to hold out your hands
to lift up your head
to open your heart...
to the possibility that you were never alone after all
not for one minute.

Go ahead, be disappointed.
Nothing turned out how you hoped.
Sit under a tree and tell me the whole of it and I won’t say a word.
I won’t say a single word.

It’s okay to feel lonely.
At the end of your wanderings
when there is no more scotch tape
and you can’t find your bead necklace of dreams anywhere,
your heart will trace an unpredictable path
to this place
and you will have just enough courage
to let love tell you the terrible beautiful truth
of how loved you were
and how even now, at the end of everything
it’s not too late.

How To Love

Just when you thought that this one was going to be different, just when you thought this would be the person that would help you re-define the meaning of love...it all falls apart and you are back to square one. Because you thought that you learned from your past mistakes, you thought that this time you will take a risk and this time, you felt that you were dealt the right hand...only to realize that everything you thought was a dream come true was just a mere illusion.

No one will tell another how to love because to each person it means something different while at the same time, each relationship embodies a different kind of love. Even though we try to do things differently in every relationship, saying that we've learned our lessons...what we don't recognize is that we are constantly learning. We rely on those type of experiences with other people to enlighten us in more ways than one but when the movie scripted scene does not play out, we go back and blame ourselves, boiling down to the same redundant statement...that maybe we weren't enough, that we didn't do something right... that we just didn't know how to love.

There is no perfect way to love someone. With love you say it through your words, you show it through your actions and most of all you feel it in your heart. The most important type of love that we need to learn is how to love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves then there is no way that we can love anyone else. In time we learn how to love when we are with someone, when we leave someone we love, or when a person that we love leaves us.

No one is perfect but  someone will come along and will love you for all that you are and they will admire your efforts because true love has no barriers. Whether things are meant to be or not, in the end we learn how to love the people and things in our lives; we learn how to love ourselves; and most importantly we learn how to love life.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life, that word is love. You can never go wrong when you learn how to love with that you are and there is no better love when you love with all of your heart.




..."Now you in the corner tryna put it together, how to love. See I just want you to know, that you deserve the best you’re beautiful."...

Not That Girl

As much as you got me smitten and as much as you got me high on cloud nine, I'm just not going to be that girl. Despite our relationship and our circumstances, I'm just not going to be that girl. Wondering if you are thinking about me or worrying if I'm doing things right,   I'm just not going to be that girl. When you don't text back or answer my calls, I'm not going to be that girl that starts thinking wild visions in my head of you being intimate with someone else.

So you did me wrong and broke my heart but I'm just not going to be that girl that will take all that you have just to empower myself. I'm not going to be that girl that will destroy your possessions just so that you can see how much rage I have inside. So do both of us a favor and save your breath baby because I refuse to be that girl that soaks up all that you say. I'm not going to put you on blast for everyone to see; just so that they know the severity of your mistake because I'm mature enough not to be that girl.

I'm not going to be that girl that let's you take advantage of me. Of course I love doing nice things for you but I'm not going to be that girl that will tend to your needs at your convenience or command. So when your nights seem cold and you are lonely, think again because I'm not that girl that will fill your void. And yes, I know  the girl you did me wrong with is pretty but I'm sorry; I'm not going be that girl full of insecurities.

There are great people all around me and life is too short. With that said, I'm not going to be that girl that goes to her friends with the same broken-record love story. I'm not going to be that girl that let's a guy take all of the good away from her. I'm not going to the that girl that will give you more chances. I'm just not that girl that says it but doesn't do anything about it. I will not be that girl that allows a man to take away her dignity.

Everything you think I am, I'm sorry if I don't live up to your expectations; quite frankly I'm just not going to be that girl...you know why? because I'm better than that.


..."I see it your eyes, can't say that I'm surprised, I'm not that girl."...

To The Main Ladies Of My Life

On this day, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for all that you've done for me and our families. I know that you have endured a lot and I just want you to know that I love you. I love you for the sacrifices, all those late nights, tireless mornings and nonstop hustling..I know that all of that has worn your hands and feet...but I'm appreciative that it has never worn your mind, heart or soul.

On this day, I honor you. I can only hope that I make you ladies proud by being all that I can be and by instilling the values and morals that you have taught me to my children.

My mommy, Imelda.

My paternal mom, Mama Maxi.

My maternal mom, Mama Monica.

..."I said mommy Imma love you till you don't hurt no more and when I'm older, you aint gotta work no more. And Imma get you that mansion that we couldn't afford. See you're, unbreakable, unmistakable....I appreciate what you allowed for me. I just want you to be proud of me."...

Love The Way You Lie

I love the way you lie.
like when you say that this will be the last time that you...
call me names that seep into my soul.
Push me up against the wall to keep me posted because this vicinty is suffocating.
Because baby, I love the way you lie.
So re-tell those memories of when we first met.
How you knew that I was something special, how I was different from the rest.
The memories of the first time you held my hand, the first time we kissed, the first time we danced...the first time you realized that you loved me.
Tell me those lies again baby because those memories seem so long ago.
I just love the way you lie.
Like when you told me how we were going to make our dreams come true, raise a family together, grow old together.
How you said that you will always be there to listen, how you said you will always take care of me, that you will always have my back.
Little did I know, you were the very one that would turn my words against me..only to hurt me, and only to stab me in the back.
So baby, hold me down with those empty promises because I love the way you lie.
Tell me about the places we'll go and the people we'll meet.
About the dreams that are now in the past, the plans that we got for the present and the plans that we want to accomplish in the future.
Threaten me about how if I left, no one will want me. How you are the best thing I ever had and how no one can put up with my antics.
Tell me the lies of blame baby because I'll take it all.
We'll turn this love into a cold hearted war.
Push and pull. Fire set a blaze.
Lie to me baby because you are good at it.
Tell me that this is all a phase that we will be stronger, that things will get better just as long as we are together.

So as you continue to make this all hurt, kiss heartbreak on these lips and feed me all these lies...
I will continue to search for happiness within this madness and eventually walk away to learn the well deserved truth.


..."Just gonna stand there and watch me burn but that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry but that's all right because I love the way you lie."...

Untitled

Often times in relationships, you go through stages. There are the stages of being strangers, getting to know each other, then eventually falling for each other, etc. People then move on to being boyfriend and girlfriend or if they are lucky, they get to the stage of having a "happily ever after." However, what about the other couples. The couples that are still in limbo. The couples that are awaiting to make it "official."

You know what I'm talking about, the couples that say that they are together but are not really together. The couples that sleep over each others houses or the couples that show up together at functions all the time but say that they aren't a "couple" because they are not "official." What does it all really mean of being official anyway? To some it may mean commitment, being faithful, sign of devotion or taking it to the next level. The list goes on and on but tell me this...What about the couples that don't care for the title? Yeah, I know there are some people that want the guys to man up and put a ring on it but what about the people that are enjoying the moment? People may say that the two of you are scared and are wasting your time but then again, since when has it been a waste of time being happy?

Like the the couples that don't have to disclose their personal business when people ask invasive questions. The couples that don't have to tell everyone on their facebook who they are kicking it with on their downtime.  The couples that don't need fancy jewelry to remind them of how much they are loved. The couples that don't necessarily need a title to prove to another person when in a crowd of a million, that they are the only one that they notice. The couples that just merely enjoy the company of that one special person.

Because to some, it doesn't matter where the future may lead the two of them. Whether together or apart, those are the type of people that are happy that they had met, are happy that they are spending time together, are happy that their lives have intertwined in this lifetime, and are happy that they will have memories that can never be taken away. Because people like me don't need a title to express just how much my heart feels for you.

This Is My Confession...

I don't have a lot of sand in my hour glass babe. I over stuff every pocket I have, I'm always running on E and my stomach is never satisfied but hungry for more. So let's not sugar coat anything, let's cut the chase and let's do things the way we have always done it - STRAIGHT raw. This is becoming ridiculously redundant and honestly, we have better things to be working on with people that truly matter to us.

So let me air it and lay it out for you. This may be much for you but I have to be true to myself and admit this out loud. I like you and I care for you. I know that you know, yet we casually bring it up and go on like nothing was ever mentioned. We say that we want to live in the moment, create more moments yet never lose these moments. Although, these emotions that I have contradict what what we say yet encourage my gestures. All I really want to do is kick it with you, to compliment you, to be enough for you.

I don't expect anything but honesty yet it seems that I can't trust myself with you. My intuition has never failed me and yet here I am telling it to kick rocks when deep down inside I know that it's just trying to warn me for what's ahead. I know you feel like I'll never catch on but I have to give you a round of applause because your performance is a show that I've seen before. Like when you whisper little somethings in my ear to get me going. I'll admit that they are pretty slick but just know that those lines are empty nothings that I find amusing because you can't fool a girl that has already mastered those plays. There are things that can play with my mind but I'll never let anyone compromise my dignity for their own self-assurance. Baby, you are feeding me a dish of bull because to you I'm just miss "right now." But I'll reiterate this right now; I'm the miss that is right-headed enough to say these things vociferously without personal anguish.

I've never asked you to dish a dime but to just spend time. I relentlessly work hard to be the best that I can be and I want you to see that. I want you to acknowledge the fact that I'm not one of those girls that will be stuck on stupid and pause their lives because of love. I want you to absorb that I'm a woman that is doing what she loves, that is high on life, discovering the world, and meeting new people..yet anxiously awaiting to come home to you - a reputable man that loves her.

So yes, commitment may have been a relevant issue but the only thing that I want babe is for you to commit to the nurturing aspect of this relationship. We may not ever end up together but I want us to become a cultivation of knowledge and experience so that we not only help or learn from each other; but feed off the force of inspiration that only comes alive because we are a part of each others lives.

With these words my love, please excuse the magnitude-- I just wanted to get this off my chest. It's better to reveal a taste of what is going on inside then regret words that I never had the encourage to utter. So if this is too much for you I totally understand because with or without you...baby, the show must go on. So for the sake of you and I, don't waste my time, respect my mind, and understand my grind.

I can only hope that you are truly the man that I've always pictured you to be.

"Don’t be so close minded because your mind is only suffocating from your very own ignorance."



♥ Yours Truly

Nothing Less Than Ambitious

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore. "

- Lady Gaga

Cosmopolitan March 2010 Issue



My friends sometimes think that I spread myself too thin and all of my exs can tell you that I've got that competitive hustle, sometimes too much for my own good and sanity. While my career-oriented mindset has not affected my friendships, it has often times affected my personal relationships.

The industry that I have decided to follow can sometimes be called a "thank-less" job. Although that may be the case at times, I've always followed the wise words of Confucius: "find a career that you love so that you won't have to work a day in your life." Even though the harsh realities of my industry can be exhausting, the love and hate relationship with it falls mostly in love. There were times back in the day and even sometimes now, where people ask for work "favors." Knowing that I'm not going to get anything in return, if my schedule and ability is able...then I take it on. My significant others never understood why but I never asked them to comprehend it all. Coming from an immigrant family, hard work is in our blood. Even though I have put my work assignments before family gatherings at times, my family has always understood the importance of my work, most of all they have always understood my passion for it.

The exs knew I indulged myself in my work but didn't know just how deep. In every relationship that I have been in, I have always gotten into arguments over my work schedule. Working well over 50 hours a week, it was frustrating to come home to words of: "you are hardly home," "when are we going to spend time?," or the famous line because I'm so tired that I don't want to cuddle.."you don't love me anymore." As much as I wanted my former men to want my affection, making me feel guilty about it just became irritating at times, sometimes like white noise.

It was often hard when I felt like I had to choose between love for a guy and my career. Even though these guys knew where I wanted to be, they never quite understood just how determined I was until it was too late into the relationship. Every break up ended up with them saying that I loved my job more than them and that I was being selfish. As heartbreaking as it was then, I know that if I were in their shoes, I would have said this: "I wish you nothing but success in all that your pursue. I love you enough to let you go so that you can pursue the dreams that you had before us. I can only hope that our paths will cross again someday but I know that I'd rather have you leave to find out what can be instead of having you stay and wonder what if."

Because I'll never hold someone back. I'd rather have them chase their dreams then chase our love. Like my homie Wale would say "I love the person that you are, but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be." So even though love can be my kryptonite, I'd rather have someone push me to be the superwoman that I have yet to become...even if it meant leaving the both of us with broken hearts and even if it meant our heartache being the cost of teaching us the lesson of selfless love. So to my loves that can feel me on this entry, I'll tell you this: Live to fulfill your dreams and keep pushing till your heart feels that you have made your mark in this world. Don't let anyone change you or tell you otherwise because it takes patience to stick by a determined person…and it takes real love to interpret a person's intimidation or confidence as pure ambition. 



(Warning: This songs contains explicit lyrics)

Be True To You

You sit on the floor in the midst of it all, questioning yourself because...
He cheated on your heart.
She left you and won't come back.
He took advantage of you or she doesn't seem to notice you.
I know that smile you put on is to disguise the pain.
But babe, don't let that gloomy feeling consume you.
Don't let that feeling force you to re-evaluate your characteristics because there is nothing wrong with who you are.
Because you should NEVER have to think twice.
Just because one person can't recognize or appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are then baby, it just wasn't meant to be.
Everyone has flaws and imperfections but don't let their criticism taunt you.
Remember my love, it is not about perfection but all about progression.
In this world, genuine people like you are rare.
People will try to influence you and break you down but you don't need to fit into any mold because my love when it comes to you, any industry standard can't compare.
While others see nothing, a special individual will take the time to understand and see just how amazing you are...just like I have.
So love, don't live life by pretending to be something that you aren't because in the end, you will just be fooling yourself.
Even though they abandoned you on that stage to ridicule you, step back and bow out gracefully.
As the curtains close, take a deep breath and pick up the pieces of your heart during this intermission..
And tell yourself this:
Don't let heartbreak or a mistake phase you and don't ever think that you are never good enough.
You are a shining light baby, some people just can't handle the glare.
It's not about the amount of falls that we endure, it's all about the amount of times that we get back up to continue this journey called life.
To admit that you are hurting is not a sign of weakness but a sign that you are human...
A sign that you have a heart...a sign that you've let your guard down and have allowed yourself to feel.
So baby go ahead and let out your one last cry.
Cause while others continue to sit amongst the clouds with their bluffs...with the sincerity that you exemplify, baby you'll be beaming above them all.

..."Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing...Just be true to who you are"...

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before. She may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, admit to being human and making mistakes; hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you ever second of the day but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break, her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give."

-Bob Marley

Erase Me

You think back and wish you never met him.
You think back and wish you never laid your eyes on her.
You throw away all of the letters, the cards, the love notes.
You donate the stuffed animals and clothes that they bought to the Salvation Army.
You drag those pictures and videos on your computer to the trash bin.
You click the delete button on those emails and those status updates.
You discard that music playlist, the mixtapes they made or gave and even discard songs that remind you of them.
You close that secret webpage account and even take off that tab on your internet browser that links you to their blog.
You unfollow them on twitter and de-friend them on Facebook.
You try to forget their face.
You try to forget their smell.
You try to forget how warm it felt to have their hand in yours.
You try to forget the happy times you folks experienced, the hardships that you both have overcame, and the rewards of just being together brought.
All in all, you try to do what you have to do to forget them.
But no matter what you promise your head, your heart or your soul...
You can not deny their significance to your life.
So you can go ahead and try to live your life like that person never existed but you most definitely can not forget how at one point...
they made you feel loved.

In the end...

We all want a love like this.

Honolulu, Hawaii
Courtesy of my girl: Corynne Ashley

Her in Him, Him In Her

Because as much we try to hide it, we are not fools.
I can see that when I do things, you are used to them being done a certain way.
Because I know your heart and a small part of you still loves her.
I'm not mad nor sad about it, granted that I understand.
She was everything you knew for a while, everything that you loved and she played a big part in your life.
As much as you say that you and her are nothing more than friends, there is nothing that I could ever do to have you feel the same for me.
I know that when I sit on the opposite side of the couch, the tension is bigger than the space between us.
I know that prickily feeling pierces your heart a little when I pull away from your love because of what he has done to me.
And when you tell me that I'm simply beautiful, I know that you are frustrated because that word does not exist in my vocabulary.
I know that my thought process is not in sync with yours and that you attempt to comprehend what I'm trying to bring forth through my contradictory actions.
And as much as you don't want to hurt me and just want the best for us, sprinkle the salt on these wounds just a little because sooner or later the sting with numb the pain.
Although, we both know that we are addicted to this.
We both know that we can't commit to this.
All we can do is embrace this...moment.
As much as you see him in me and as much as I see her in you...they both influenced us into the people that we are today.
So even though I know she takes up most of your heart space, I thank her for making you into the man that I fell so hard for.