Nothing Less Than Ambitious

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore. "

- Lady Gaga

Cosmopolitan March 2010 Issue



My friends sometimes think that I spread myself too thin and all of my exs can tell you that I've got that competitive hustle, sometimes too much for my own good and sanity. While my career-oriented mindset has not affected my friendships, it has often times affected my personal relationships.

The industry that I have decided to follow can sometimes be called a "thank-less" job. Although that may be the case at times, I've always followed the wise words of Confucius: "find a career that you love so that you won't have to work a day in your life." Even though the harsh realities of my industry can be exhausting, the love and hate relationship with it falls mostly in love. There were times back in the day and even sometimes now, where people ask for work "favors." Knowing that I'm not going to get anything in return, if my schedule and ability is able...then I take it on. My significant others never understood why but I never asked them to comprehend it all. Coming from an immigrant family, hard work is in our blood. Even though I have put my work assignments before family gatherings at times, my family has always understood the importance of my work, most of all they have always understood my passion for it.

The exs knew I indulged myself in my work but didn't know just how deep. In every relationship that I have been in, I have always gotten into arguments over my work schedule. Working well over 50 hours a week, it was frustrating to come home to words of: "you are hardly home," "when are we going to spend time?," or the famous line because I'm so tired that I don't want to cuddle.."you don't love me anymore." As much as I wanted my former men to want my affection, making me feel guilty about it just became irritating at times, sometimes like white noise.

It was often hard when I felt like I had to choose between love for a guy and my career. Even though these guys knew where I wanted to be, they never quite understood just how determined I was until it was too late into the relationship. Every break up ended up with them saying that I loved my job more than them and that I was being selfish. As heartbreaking as it was then, I know that if I were in their shoes, I would have said this: "I wish you nothing but success in all that your pursue. I love you enough to let you go so that you can pursue the dreams that you had before us. I can only hope that our paths will cross again someday but I know that I'd rather have you leave to find out what can be instead of having you stay and wonder what if."

Because I'll never hold someone back. I'd rather have them chase their dreams then chase our love. Like my homie Wale would say "I love the person that you are, but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be." So even though love can be my kryptonite, I'd rather have someone push me to be the superwoman that I have yet to become...even if it meant leaving the both of us with broken hearts and even if it meant our heartache being the cost of teaching us the lesson of selfless love. So to my loves that can feel me on this entry, I'll tell you this: Live to fulfill your dreams and keep pushing till your heart feels that you have made your mark in this world. Don't let anyone change you or tell you otherwise because it takes patience to stick by a determined person…and it takes real love to interpret a person's intimidation or confidence as pure ambition. 



(Warning: This songs contains explicit lyrics)