Farewell 2011

When 2011 started, I went into the year with an attitude of optimism and hope. However this crazy roller coaster of a life decided to take me on several detours and unplanned drops. I thought that I was well prepared to enter the new year with the lessons learned from the previous but as it panned out, life had more things to teach me.

I was blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people this year. I had to bid a due to some but I was able to  create new relationships while being able to strengthen existing ones. When people cross your path in life, I believe it is in contribution for a bigger purpose. Sometimes the purpose is unknown at the current moment and sometimes the overlay of paths vary in length but there are things that people teach you; it helps build your character but it also helps tear down your walls of ignorance. Many of us often forget that we are not perfect and in the end, we are all human.

Along with the wonderful people were the beautiful experiences. A wise man told me "do not lose the romance of life." So, I pushed myself more than ever to take leaps of faith. We all want something to better ourselves but we are often scared of the unknown. I put myself out there and put myself in the most vulnerable situations. I didn't have time to be scared because when it comes to something that you really want in life, the worst thing that can happen is that you are told no. Rejection prepares you for something better and gives you motivation to strive for better. Rejection and determination this year helped me reinvent my craft, helped my career, allowed me to travel and helped me create memories that I will never forget.

I learned to not get lost in the crowd, to stick to my beliefs and to never forget my worth. I feel that once you lose who you are, you lose the essence of what you been striving for and you lose vision of the person that you have been working to become. I've worked 50+ hour weeks and it became a breath of fresh air to take a personal day, filling in my own agenda with things that I really wanted to do. Money is an essential tool to function in this world but it isn't an essential piece to achieve happiness.

I had my heart broken this year but I also learned how to open my heart in ways I never knew. I cried tears of sadness this year but also smiled with tears of happiness. I went to hell only to be brought back to life and I fell down hard only to get back up to work even harder. All in all, this past year was full of passion and love.

I know that 2012 has more things to bestow upon me and I'm looking forward to every second of that roller coaster ride of a life. "It should never take you a new year to realize that you need to change something." Life will not wait for you so don't second guess yourself, take a risk and seize every moment that comes your way.  I promise you, you won't regret it.

"I won't worry and I won't waste my time. Don't let the days go by...breathe in each moment, you can find hope."

Dear No One,

I know when you are around me, I can come off as independent, strong and hard-headed. I know that I live a fast pace life and sometimes I don't acknowledge you because I'm caught up in the grind but there are some things that I think that you should know. Some things that you should keep in mind and some things that you should never ever forget.

If there is one thing that can hit the spot, its talking about love. I can only explain so much about the situations I have been through with love. I can tell you about the times where I felt like I was in a fairytale, at the top of the world even...I can even tell you about the journeys where I've been to hell and back.

I may not know everything about how to conduct a perfect relationship but these are the very few things that that I know about love: that is loving without judgement, loving with all that I have and most of all loving no matter the circumstance.  That is all I have ever known and is the way I continue to keep loving. Just know that I'm trying my very best with what I have left.

I'm a little rough around the edges and I may come off as someone that's cold-hearted. I don't mean to push people away it's just that many times you have to be careful who you open up to because only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious. 

Out of everything that you can offer, all I ask is for you to give me everything that money can't buy. Pull me close me when I feel like I'm falling apart; kiss me on the forehead and sooth me when I'm sick; hold my hand and walk with me when I'm afraid...these are all things that have the most value and these are moments that I would not trade for the world.

Love is all about balance and there is a reason why love found us when we weren't looking. We may not always have a smooth path in front of us but just know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you.  If there is one thing that everyone needs, in the end...we all need love and I promise, I'll love you till the end.


So until then, all we can do is be patient because when the time comes, we both will know it was worth the wait.


..."I’m done lookin’, for my future someone because when the time is right you’ll be here. But for now dear no one, this is your love song"...

"As we work to create light for others...we naturally light our own way."

Liquid Confessions (Part 3)

(continued from Part 1, Part 2)

As much as your words from the incident we had before shook me up a little bit, I understood. You didn't need the alcohol to give you liquid confidence, you just wanted me to hear you out before it was too late. I knew that those were feelings you had brewing up inside. As several weeks passed by, we both reset our minds with emotions aside to clear things out. As much as I wanted to call you to make amends, I waited it out because after all I was fine with where things were.

You drown yourself constantly in your work and you seem to drown yourself in the facade that you have to celebrate your success through those parities, girls and alcohol. I know that you are having fun and I'm glad that you are doing well but it is just not necessary for you to go on showing it off as if you have something to prove. I wish I could say things were better since we last talked but I'm over my head with trying to stay straight professionally and personally.

Alone in bed doing work, you come in right on cue with a call at 2:30 in the morning. 

"What are you up to?"

"I just came home from a party."

"Oh...How are you?"

"Honestly, not that well."

The tone in your voice unmasked it all and I knew there was something more than you would allow to say during the phone call. You could also tell by my stale responses that something was up and just like old times, we confided in each other. We did not confined in each other like ex-couples would, but as people that were really looking out for the others best interest. 

"I just don't know why I work as hard as I do sometimes, the people that I work for don't even appreciate me."

"You've always worked hard and the reason why you keep doing what you are doing is because you love what you do."

"I know. What about you though? You seem..well you sound like you are doing well."

"As much as I'm thankful, there is just so much pressure to keep this image up."

"Don't get lost in all of that artificial bureaucracy, you are way better than that."

"I know. I hope that your boy is helping you out with all that you're dealing with."

"He still getting used to it I guess, he doesn't quite understand."

Towards the end of our conversation the relationship seemed cordial and for the first time in a long time, it felt as if weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Maybe it was because you finally accepted the fact that it was time that you move on or maybe it was because I also realized that maybe there was still hope that we could be friends. As we started to dwindle, the last thing that you said before we hung up helped me remember the old you. 

"I’m lucky that you picked up. Lucky that you stayed on. I need someone to put this weight on....I'm sorry." 

Just when you thought you were the only one, you were one of many. 


#dontbefoolish
#knowyourworth