Tell me...I want to know.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

18 Ways To A Better Life

His Holiness, Dalai Lama

It is a new year and if you are like me, you are looking at is as fresh start. Here are 18 ways to help inspire you on your journey of living a better life, all according to his holiness, the Dalai Lama:


1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's:
    - Respect for self
    - Respect for others
    - Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life.Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

 

The Love Factor

I can't help but look into those eyes of yours. The same eyes that has raised my heart to new heights but at the same time has shattered it in mid-flight. The past is something that we both can't change but I guess when we decided to go on this unexpected adventure, you could not ease your grip on that piece of baggage that you carry.
  
Lord knows how hard I've tried. 

I'm torn because I want us to work. I want us to live this lifetime being together. I know that life will put us on a  roller coaster of a ride but a part of me believes that if we are together, we can make that ride worthwhile...that together we can conquer the world.

As much as I want that to be our reality, a part of me wants us to move on because I shouldn't have to persuade you. If your heart is not in it then there is really nothing that I can do. I shouldn't have to make exceptions because I'm in love with you. If you want me in your life, you'll make the effort to keep me. No matter how much we grow, you remind me how we just aren't going to work. We will continue to make excuses for things that we can't wholeheartedly confront .

The moment you looked into my eyes and told me you that you loved me but wasn't in love...as much as I want to forget it, it replays over and over in my head as my heart slowly disintegrates. I guess I'm puzzled because I played by all the rules and gave everything that was left in me yet I still wasn't good enough for you.

I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved you. Although as we close this chapter of our lives, I know that you'll never find someone that will love you as much as I do. My heart would take a bullet for you, it's just sad to know that right now with all this heartache...you are behind the trigger.


I know we hold on to each other because we are comfortable and we are aligned on so many levels. However, maybe we are the right people but at the wrong time. We will never know. Even though this may be hard for us to do, it's time we face reality and let go. But I guess with us, the hardest thing in life is letting go of what you thought was real.



...."Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity...See I know what we've got to do, You let go and I'll let go too."...

Hearts

I fill this void in my mind with deadlines and tasks instead of fondly reminiscing about our memories.
I fill this void in my heart with numbness and a chill so cold so that I don't have to remember your painful burn.
I can't control where your heart wanders when it feels like my love is not enough.
I can't control the visions of perfection that you yearn for when I stand before you.
I can’t control the increments of your value system if you find my self-worth too absurd.
As you pack and drift off into the night, know that these tears will wash away our hands clean of all the sins we've committed in this relationship.
I simply can't force you to love me.
Whether we love or close our hearts to love, at the end of the day it’s a choice that we make. 
We need to let our hearts guide us. We have to listen closely because our hearts whisper, we just have to be courageous to listen.
I can't force you to stay but this is the best that I can give, I don’t know any other way.

Upgrade You

Sure you've been with girls that were prettier, skinner and with body parts more voluminous than mine. But trust me when I say that you'll never experience another woman the way you will with me. I'm not trying to sound conceited but I'm like those classic cars with only two-doors, they don't make em' like me no more.

Baby, take my hand and I'll show you how it should be. Do away with that arm candy of yours because you need a trophy woman. I'll close those deals in that corner office of mine to bring home the bacon but sit back and relax baby because I'll also cook it too.

However I have to say....you have to come harder, cause this won't be easy. As much as I know you can hold it down and treat me to the fancier things that money can bring, money can't buy what I have right here...you earn it. If you want something you've never had, you'll have to do something you've never done. I'll introduce you to new things while we fly to cloud nine.

You need a real woman in your life, someone that knows what she wants out of life while helping you become the man that you were meant to be. This world is mostly ran by men, but women like me keep the tempo.

You have all of the cards in your hand, it is just up to you how you want to deal them out. When you are ready, I'll re-define what you thought was proper. If you allow me, I'll elevate you. Baby let me upgrade you.


..."It's very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal...Play my part and let you take the lead role..."

Copy Cat

There will always be people that will try and take credit for your ideas and work. However, don't let it get to you because you know the truth.

People like that are just fascinated at the risks you take because unlike them you put accountability for the words that you speak.

People that are constantly in search for recognition obviously care too much of what people think. People like that lack initiative, innovation and hard work. You do it for the love of it and most importantly you do it for yourself.

Be flattered that someone is watching your next move. Consider it your sense of paying it forward to people that need a boost of confidence to their ego.

Let those people do what they have to do in order for them to feel adequate about their lives. 

Do what you have always been doing; DOING YOU. 

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."

#truth

Intelligence is an attractive characteristic.

It's funny how when you're younger, you get picked on because of it...

but as you get older, 
you get picked because of it. 

Liquid Confessions (Part 4)

(continued from Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

As much I want to admit that I'm happier, there are little things that seem to pull me back. I swear that he is amazing, but he just doesn't get it. Well he gets it, I guess he just doesn't get it like how you did. It's not his fault, he just needs to get used to it or am I just lying to myself?

It's been a couple weeks since we last talked and I understand that you are out there working to build your reputation, your foundation and most of all you are out there perfecting your craft. It's nice to be able to have normal conversations where we don't bicker about the past. It's nice to have someone that knows where you have been and and is proud to see where you are currently at. It's nice to move forward with someone by your side, encouraging you every step of the way.

With us, we have finally come to terms that even though we will never get back together; that we have each other's back.  Because the past was meant to happen and we had to go through it in order to bring us where we are today. We may not be in the position where we thought we would be but at the same time, it's nice to know that you are still here with me.

As I'm sink my feet in the sand and close my eyes, my short time of relaxation is abruptly interrupted. So I look onward as the sun bids the skies farewell.

"What's cooking good looking?"
"Nothing much, just on the beach."
"Soaking up some sun I see."
"No, just came to hear the ocean."
"If you went to hear the ocean, that can only mean one thing. Everything ok?"
"Just thinking things through; about love, my career, you know...life."
"Well you are a good person. Don't think too hard."
"Yeah, I try not to over think, I can only hope that it's right."


We have known each other for so long that we get each other. We don't have to say what we are pertaining to or even explain ourselves. You can tell by my use or words that something is on my mind and when I look into your eyes, I already know how your heart feels. As we said our goodbyes, you abstractly ended the conversation letting me know that in the end you will always care.




"Tell me have you heard that lately? I’m just sayin’ you could do better."

Farewell 2011

When 2011 started, I went into the year with an attitude of optimism and hope. However this crazy roller coaster of a life decided to take me on several detours and unplanned drops. I thought that I was well prepared to enter the new year with the lessons learned from the previous but as it panned out, life had more things to teach me.

I was blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people this year. I had to bid a due to some but I was able to  create new relationships while being able to strengthen existing ones. When people cross your path in life, I believe it is in contribution for a bigger purpose. Sometimes the purpose is unknown at the current moment and sometimes the overlay of paths vary in length but there are things that people teach you; it helps build your character but it also helps tear down your walls of ignorance. Many of us often forget that we are not perfect and in the end, we are all human.

Along with the wonderful people were the beautiful experiences. A wise man told me "do not lose the romance of life." So, I pushed myself more than ever to take leaps of faith. We all want something to better ourselves but we are often scared of the unknown. I put myself out there and put myself in the most vulnerable situations. I didn't have time to be scared because when it comes to something that you really want in life, the worst thing that can happen is that you are told no. Rejection prepares you for something better and gives you motivation to strive for better. Rejection and determination this year helped me reinvent my craft, helped my career, allowed me to travel and helped me create memories that I will never forget.

I learned to not get lost in the crowd, to stick to my beliefs and to never forget my worth. I feel that once you lose who you are, you lose the essence of what you been striving for and you lose vision of the person that you have been working to become. I've worked 50+ hour weeks and it became a breath of fresh air to take a personal day, filling in my own agenda with things that I really wanted to do. Money is an essential tool to function in this world but it isn't an essential piece to achieve happiness.

I had my heart broken this year but I also learned how to open my heart in ways I never knew. I cried tears of sadness this year but also smiled with tears of happiness. I went to hell only to be brought back to life and I fell down hard only to get back up to work even harder. All in all, this past year was full of passion and love.

I know that 2012 has more things to bestow upon me and I'm looking forward to every second of that roller coaster ride of a life. "It should never take you a new year to realize that you need to change something." Life will not wait for you so don't second guess yourself, take a risk and seize every moment that comes your way.  I promise you, you won't regret it.

"I won't worry and I won't waste my time. Don't let the days go by...breathe in each moment, you can find hope."

Dear No One,

I know when you are around me, I can come off as independent, strong and hard-headed. I know that I live a fast pace life and sometimes I don't acknowledge you because I'm caught up in the grind but there are some things that I think that you should know. Some things that you should keep in mind and some things that you should never ever forget.

If there is one thing that can hit the spot, its talking about love. I can only explain so much about the situations I have been through with love. I can tell you about the times where I felt like I was in a fairytale, at the top of the world even...I can even tell you about the journeys where I've been to hell and back.

I may not know everything about how to conduct a perfect relationship but these are the very few things that that I know about love: that is loving without judgement, loving with all that I have and most of all loving no matter the circumstance.  That is all I have ever known and is the way I continue to keep loving. Just know that I'm trying my very best with what I have left.

I'm a little rough around the edges and I may come off as someone that's cold-hearted. I don't mean to push people away it's just that many times you have to be careful who you open up to because only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious. 

Out of everything that you can offer, all I ask is for you to give me everything that money can't buy. Pull me close me when I feel like I'm falling apart; kiss me on the forehead and sooth me when I'm sick; hold my hand and walk with me when I'm afraid...these are all things that have the most value and these are moments that I would not trade for the world.

Love is all about balance and there is a reason why love found us when we weren't looking. We may not always have a smooth path in front of us but just know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you.  If there is one thing that everyone needs, in the end...we all need love and I promise, I'll love you till the end.


So until then, all we can do is be patient because when the time comes, we both will know it was worth the wait.


..."I’m done lookin’, for my future someone because when the time is right you’ll be here. But for now dear no one, this is your love song"...

"As we work to create light for others...we naturally light our own way."

Liquid Confessions (Part 3)

(continued from Part 1, Part 2)

As much as your words from the incident we had before shook me up a little bit, I understood. You didn't need the alcohol to give you liquid confidence, you just wanted me to hear you out before it was too late. I knew that those were feelings you had brewing up inside. As several weeks passed by, we both reset our minds with emotions aside to clear things out. As much as I wanted to call you to make amends, I waited it out because after all I was fine with where things were.

You drown yourself constantly in your work and you seem to drown yourself in the facade that you have to celebrate your success through those parities, girls and alcohol. I know that you are having fun and I'm glad that you are doing well but it is just not necessary for you to go on showing it off as if you have something to prove. I wish I could say things were better since we last talked but I'm over my head with trying to stay straight professionally and personally.

Alone in bed doing work, you come in right on cue with a call at 2:30 in the morning. 

"What are you up to?"

"I just came home from a party."

"Oh...How are you?"

"Honestly, not that well."

The tone in your voice unmasked it all and I knew there was something more than you would allow to say during the phone call. You could also tell by my stale responses that something was up and just like old times, we confided in each other. We did not confined in each other like ex-couples would, but as people that were really looking out for the others best interest. 

"I just don't know why I work as hard as I do sometimes, the people that I work for don't even appreciate me."

"You've always worked hard and the reason why you keep doing what you are doing is because you love what you do."

"I know. What about you though? You seem..well you sound like you are doing well."

"As much as I'm thankful, there is just so much pressure to keep this image up."

"Don't get lost in all of that artificial bureaucracy, you are way better than that."

"I know. I hope that your boy is helping you out with all that you're dealing with."

"He still getting used to it I guess, he doesn't quite understand."

Towards the end of our conversation the relationship seemed cordial and for the first time in a long time, it felt as if weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Maybe it was because you finally accepted the fact that it was time that you move on or maybe it was because I also realized that maybe there was still hope that we could be friends. As we started to dwindle, the last thing that you said before we hung up helped me remember the old you. 

"I’m lucky that you picked up. Lucky that you stayed on. I need someone to put this weight on....I'm sorry." 

Just when you thought you were the only one, you were one of many. 


#dontbefoolish
#knowyourworth

Stay Hungry

"You better stand for something or you will fall for anything." Too many times people would rather sit on the sidelines and have other people make the plays; people that would rather sit in the passengers seat and grant others the control  over their destination when WE ALL should take fate by the neck and show it who is boss. 

I’ve seen it happen to some of the best and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been through it. Sometimes I’ve gone down without a fight and have bitten my tongue just to save myself from strain. However, we all know that life will never be easy and shouldn't be submissive to something that we strongly believe in especially when it comes to our happiness. Plateaus in life are usually lessons of needed change in disguise and we don’t want to be the ones that are disappointed because we had given up right before the breakthrough.

I know a lot of people that are not afraid to work hard for what they want but are standing around for an opportunity to come knocking on the front door. However if we want something so bad, we need to go and get it. If we want something done right, we have to do them ourselves.  We shouldn’t wait because people that wait will only be given what was left behind by others that didn’t settle. 

You are worth only as much as YOU say you are. You can rely on luck or you can get up off of your behind and align your own stars.  You may be taking a risk by standing up but you may never know the results of the "what ifs" if you don't do anything. You can either be the pessimist that complains about the wind, be the optimist that expects the wind to change or you can be the realist that adjusts the sails to waters of ideal conditions. 


The power of our imaginations and our desires is what makes us infinite. So do what your heart desires and what your soul yearns. Do what you think is right. When you taste the fruits of your own labor, you'll never taste anything sweeter. I'm at a point where I'm trying to search for my life's purpose and I know that this time around that my purpose is not to synthesize with the rest of the band or by audience requests but to solely live to the beat of my own drum.


 In life you have to stay hungry because closed mouths don’t get fed.

..."Let the sun shine on your face and don't let your life go to waste. Now is the time, got to make up your mind. Let it shine on you."...

To the men that love(d) me

I know that it was hard, when I told you that I needed to walk away. Knowing just how much you loved me and knowing what you would have done for me to stay, I still chose to leave. And now here I am thinking about what could have been.

We have so many memories. Memories that remind us of our hurdles, memories of elation and most of all memories of love. It's funny how I told you we couldn't be because I didn't want my selfish ways to hurt you. Although who was I fooling because in the end, I ended up hurting myself instead. Yes things happen for a bigger purpose and when it comes to relationships, our hindsight is 20/20 but here I am mad at myself. I've taken off my glasses and have wiped it down with my senses, seeing the picture a little too late.

You are a good man and I know that you deserve better than me. I know I've told you that I'm trying to concentrate on myself and my dreams. Although those are true, after the ordeal with you I've been trying to tell myself to live my life with no regrets; just to convince my soul that forgiveness has been granted for all of the self-inflicted pain. I used the past as an excuse so that you could wave your white flag out of the relationship realm but here I am wishing for you to be sitting right next to me, wishing we could go back to how it used to be.

I turned away from you, someone that truly loves me; so that I could try something new with someone else. However, he doesn't feel for me the same way and now Im walking in the shoes you were previously in.  Here I am even harder on myself because I'm repeating the same mistake; leaving people that love me to chase people that could care less. This new guy is amazing and I wish he could see just how much I love him but nothing I do seems to be get through to him. The emptiness that he is making me feel bewilders my mind because I can only imagine the pain that I had put you through.

For all of the pain that I have caused, I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me. They say that people should not take an eye for an eye and I thank you for not having any hard feelings against me. But for some reason karma is taking out my vision as we speak and for the moment, my heart remains blind to this all. Thank you for seeing the good in me and most of all, for everything that I put you through...thank you for still loving me unconditionally.


..."Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? I wish nothing but the best for you."...

"FORGET what you knew was proper.

RAISE HAVOC and disturb the peace.

In life, no one dies a virgin. Life f*cks us all."

-Amarie Quemado

my neighbor/sister

Europe Reflection

I recently just went to Europe for two weeks. I must say that it was the most life changing experience of my life. I told myself that after I finished graduate school that I would visit one country a year, with this trip I was able to visit five . I ate good food, met new people and saw things that I have only seen in history books. I can't say it enough but my mind, body and soul needed this. This gave me an opportunity to just simply be me with no itinerary and by no rules but mine. As I traveled during this trip, I also was able to reflect. Reflect on my life; reflecting where my life had been, where it is now and where I want to go...with the people that I need to leave behind while continuing with selective ones through this journey called life. Below is a a piece that I wrote that basically shows what was going through my mind during the best two weeks of my life.

Your mind is racing, planning out tomorrow, the week, the month.
Buying valuable time that you can't even afford.
Too worried about what the future may hold from the decisions that you make today.
Yet too scared to re-live the mistakes of the past.
Letting people auction off your self-worth, bit by bit.
Playing the blame game by substituting luxury with joy that is only temporary.
Listen to me when I say that your soul can't stop searching because what you've been looking for is right in front of you.
So stop running baby.
Just. Stand. Still.
It's the simple things that you tend to forget
Don't seek cover when it rains, dance in it and let it wash away all of your sorrows.
Leave what has been designated as your priorities behind and drive.
Steer aimelessly with your inner conscious deciding your destination.
Focus on nothing but the beautiful that is you.
Greet the sun and let it caress every inch of you.
Close your eyes and just breathe.
If you must, let out all that you have manifested.
Let your tears run with the ocean.
Smirk at yourself as you gaze into the horizon.
Indulge in your blessings, listen to your heart and find enlightenment in the shades of gray.
Because your are capable of anything that you set out to do.
Don't settle baby, just don't.
Stop dreaming and stop wondering of how it's suppose to be.
Take the lead and create the unthinkable.
Because you deserve so much more, it's just up to you if you believe that you deserve it to.

Stay tuned to nonstophonolulu.com, as I bring you exclusive blogs and photos of the trip.

One In A Million: Aaliyah

January 16, 1979 – August 25, 2001

Growing up I looked up to Aaliyah. She was a triple threat: a dancer, a singer, and an actress. With sophistication and swag, I admired her ability to kick it with artists like Jay-Z and DMX but still hold her feminine yet sexy traits with grace. Like Jozen said in his blog, even after her passing; she still influences generations till this day.


Artists like her bonded both sexes. While calling out flaws of the opposite gender, she also embraced the traits that made a good man. I can honestly say that I've learned about life through her music.


Because we are all  #oneinamillion. And even though people will be around when you are #atyourbest, the ones that are really down for you will be there at your worst, hoping for you to #comebackinonepiece. And when we don't believe, our hearts are #nevergivingup.

♥ Rest In Paradise Aaliyah.

King A (Aaliyah Tribute) - Rochelle Jordan

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this...”

- Pablo Neruda

Liquid Confessions (Part 2)

(continued for Part 1)

That door is still open. However, the picture is clear. We are just friends. Although, you know very well that no one knows you just quite like I do and I know very well that no one will have my back like you do...until maybe now.

While you are adjusting to the freedom and the fame, I'm adjusting on getting my money and mind right with a man that understands fully of who I am and where I want to go. I know that it drives you crazy inside because there you are thinking about what we used to do and if I'm doing the same exact things with him. I just don't understand but at the same time do. I suggest you not compare my feelings of the past and the feelings that I feel right now because you will just hurt yourself.

I sit in front of the screen, trying to meet a deadline and my phone seems to be seizuring. I'm a little hesitant to pick up only because it is 3 a.m. I already know that it's you, bracing myself for the conversation that we are about to have:

"Hey."
"What are you doing up so late?"
"Finishing up some work...where are you? What is all of that noise in the background?"
"We just got done with one of the after partys."
"Ok, well be safe. Call me when you get home, I'm trying to finish this up."

I already know that you've had one to many because you are the type to never turn down glasses of what the guys always seem to symbolize as celebration. Slurring out of your mind and repeating way to many times, you continue to attempt.

"No, no, no. I'm fine, just talk to me."
"Well, I can't right now because I'm in the middle of something."
"You know that I still care for you."
"I know but we are just friends remember."
"You need to stop saying that sh*t. Seriously."
"Well whether you like it or not, that's all that I left for you."

As soon as I put you in your place, you use the alcohol discrepancy to your advantage and decided to answer back with a smart lip. Thinking the words over and over, you thought that if I could walk away that easily then there was nothing left for you to salvage and you might as well let me have it.


"F*** that guy that you love so bad, I know you still think about the times we had. So f*** that guy that you think you found, since you picked up I know he’s not around.”