Letter 8: Someone You Lost Touch With

Dear Doc,

I know that we don't talk as much as we used to and I know that it may have been my fault that this fall out happened. However, I wanted to let you know that I'm so proud of all of your accomplishments and that you are a great person with a good heart.

Since we were kids, I looked up to you a bit. I know that it may be a shocker but you have always been a person full of honesty from all different angles. I watched you win the hearts of people that have come from different walks of life.

I know that there were times where you have seen me fall and there were times that I didn't allow you in but just know it was not because I didn't think that you were worthy of knowing but because I knew that you saw more in me. You always knew just how strong I could be and had always accepted my faults. There were so many times where I've pushed you away and maybe it was because I knew just how much you loved me; and how severe my selfish ways would hurt you.

We would have talks and dish out our opinions. We never really agreed on anything and we often ended up frustrated but we had our moments. Whether it was music, quotes of inspiration and silly lines, we made each other smile either way and the memories that we have shared will never be forgotten.

Although we haven't talked in a while, I still care. I want you to know that you can always call on me if you ever need to. I know that you didn't have the heart to tell me but I'm glad that she is in your life, loving you in the way that I just could not, you deserve nothing but the best. So on this special day of yours and just so that you don't ever forget...I love you and care for you. I hope that you continue to have many more years to come with good health, success, and most of all happiness. 



Never later but always soon,
Your fellow photographer

"Don’t be so close minded because your mind is only suffocating from your very own ignorance."



♥ Yours Truly

Nothing Less Than Ambitious

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore. "

- Lady Gaga

Cosmopolitan March 2010 Issue



My friends sometimes think that I spread myself too thin and all of my exs can tell you that I've got that competitive hustle, sometimes too much for my own good and sanity. While my career-oriented mindset has not affected my friendships, it has often times affected my personal relationships.

The industry that I have decided to follow can sometimes be called a "thank-less" job. Although that may be the case at times, I've always followed the wise words of Confucius: "find a career that you love so that you won't have to work a day in your life." Even though the harsh realities of my industry can be exhausting, the love and hate relationship with it falls mostly in love. There were times back in the day and even sometimes now, where people ask for work "favors." Knowing that I'm not going to get anything in return, if my schedule and ability is able...then I take it on. My significant others never understood why but I never asked them to comprehend it all. Coming from an immigrant family, hard work is in our blood. Even though I have put my work assignments before family gatherings at times, my family has always understood the importance of my work, most of all they have always understood my passion for it.

The exs knew I indulged myself in my work but didn't know just how deep. In every relationship that I have been in, I have always gotten into arguments over my work schedule. Working well over 50 hours a week, it was frustrating to come home to words of: "you are hardly home," "when are we going to spend time?," or the famous line because I'm so tired that I don't want to cuddle.."you don't love me anymore." As much as I wanted my former men to want my affection, making me feel guilty about it just became irritating at times, sometimes like white noise.

It was often hard when I felt like I had to choose between love for a guy and my career. Even though these guys knew where I wanted to be, they never quite understood just how determined I was until it was too late into the relationship. Every break up ended up with them saying that I loved my job more than them and that I was being selfish. As heartbreaking as it was then, I know that if I were in their shoes, I would have said this: "I wish you nothing but success in all that your pursue. I love you enough to let you go so that you can pursue the dreams that you had before us. I can only hope that our paths will cross again someday but I know that I'd rather have you leave to find out what can be instead of having you stay and wonder what if."

Because I'll never hold someone back. I'd rather have them chase their dreams then chase our love. Like my homie Wale would say "I love the person that you are, but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be." So even though love can be my kryptonite, I'd rather have someone push me to be the superwoman that I have yet to become...even if it meant leaving the both of us with broken hearts and even if it meant our heartache being the cost of teaching us the lesson of selfless love. So to my loves that can feel me on this entry, I'll tell you this: Live to fulfill your dreams and keep pushing till your heart feels that you have made your mark in this world. Don't let anyone change you or tell you otherwise because it takes patience to stick by a determined person…and it takes real love to interpret a person's intimidation or confidence as pure ambition. 



(Warning: This songs contains explicit lyrics)

Be True To You

You sit on the floor in the midst of it all, questioning yourself because...
He cheated on your heart.
She left you and won't come back.
He took advantage of you or she doesn't seem to notice you.
I know that smile you put on is to disguise the pain.
But babe, don't let that gloomy feeling consume you.
Don't let that feeling force you to re-evaluate your characteristics because there is nothing wrong with who you are.
Because you should NEVER have to think twice.
Just because one person can't recognize or appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are then baby, it just wasn't meant to be.
Everyone has flaws and imperfections but don't let their criticism taunt you.
Remember my love, it is not about perfection but all about progression.
In this world, genuine people like you are rare.
People will try to influence you and break you down but you don't need to fit into any mold because my love when it comes to you, any industry standard can't compare.
While others see nothing, a special individual will take the time to understand and see just how amazing you are...just like I have.
So love, don't live life by pretending to be something that you aren't because in the end, you will just be fooling yourself.
Even though they abandoned you on that stage to ridicule you, step back and bow out gracefully.
As the curtains close, take a deep breath and pick up the pieces of your heart during this intermission..
And tell yourself this:
Don't let heartbreak or a mistake phase you and don't ever think that you are never good enough.
You are a shining light baby, some people just can't handle the glare.
It's not about the amount of falls that we endure, it's all about the amount of times that we get back up to continue this journey called life.
To admit that you are hurting is not a sign of weakness but a sign that you are human...
A sign that you have a heart...a sign that you've let your guard down and have allowed yourself to feel.
So baby go ahead and let out your one last cry.
Cause while others continue to sit amongst the clouds with their bluffs...with the sincerity that you exemplify, baby you'll be beaming above them all.

..."Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing...Just be true to who you are"...

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before. She may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, admit to being human and making mistakes; hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you ever second of the day but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break, her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give."

-Bob Marley

Erase Me

You think back and wish you never met him.
You think back and wish you never laid your eyes on her.
You throw away all of the letters, the cards, the love notes.
You donate the stuffed animals and clothes that they bought to the Salvation Army.
You drag those pictures and videos on your computer to the trash bin.
You click the delete button on those emails and those status updates.
You discard that music playlist, the mixtapes they made or gave and even discard songs that remind you of them.
You close that secret webpage account and even take off that tab on your internet browser that links you to their blog.
You unfollow them on twitter and de-friend them on Facebook.
You try to forget their face.
You try to forget their smell.
You try to forget how warm it felt to have their hand in yours.
You try to forget the happy times you folks experienced, the hardships that you both have overcame, and the rewards of just being together brought.
All in all, you try to do what you have to do to forget them.
But no matter what you promise your head, your heart or your soul...
You can not deny their significance to your life.
So you can go ahead and try to live your life like that person never existed but you most definitely can not forget how at one point...
they made you feel loved.

In the end...

We all want a love like this.

Honolulu, Hawaii
Courtesy of my girl: Corynne Ashley

Her in Him, Him In Her

Because as much we try to hide it, we are not fools.
I can see that when I do things, you are used to them being done a certain way.
Because I know your heart and a small part of you still loves her.
I'm not mad nor sad about it, granted that I understand.
She was everything you knew for a while, everything that you loved and she played a big part in your life.
As much as you say that you and her are nothing more than friends, there is nothing that I could ever do to have you feel the same for me.
I know that when I sit on the opposite side of the couch, the tension is bigger than the space between us.
I know that prickily feeling pierces your heart a little when I pull away from your love because of what he has done to me.
And when you tell me that I'm simply beautiful, I know that you are frustrated because that word does not exist in my vocabulary.
I know that my thought process is not in sync with yours and that you attempt to comprehend what I'm trying to bring forth through my contradictory actions.
And as much as you don't want to hurt me and just want the best for us, sprinkle the salt on these wounds just a little because sooner or later the sting with numb the pain.
Although, we both know that we are addicted to this.
We both know that we can't commit to this.
All we can do is embrace this...moment.
As much as you see him in me and as much as I see her in you...they both influenced us into the people that we are today.
So even though I know she takes up most of your heart space, I thank her for making you into the man that I fell so hard for.