Fall For Your Type (Part 5)

(continued from Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

As she got busier and busier, I started to see less of her. I understood that she needed to work, had family priorities and wanted to kick it with her girls from time to time but where did that leave me? I'd call and no response. Voicemail left but no call back. Text sent but no reply. Maybe she was busy.

It got to a point where I didn't hear from her for days. It hurt a little but when she did call, I'd tell her how I felt neglected. She'd apologize and we'd be ok for a few. Although the cycle would start up again and I thought that maybe she was acting like this because I was getting too comfortable.

So I would surprise her with lunch one day, chocolates the next and flowers the week after. I tried my best to keep her on her toes. However, all the efforts still left me in the same position, without the girl that I wanted.

"Hey."
"Hey."
"Where have you been?"
"You know, busy as always. These projects just seem to be piling up."
"What are you doing tonight? Let me help ease off your stress."
"It's okay, I've been spending so much time pleasing other people. I need time for myself."
"Okay, I understand. Well, have a good night. I miss you."
"Aww, I miss you too. I'll talk to you later."

As we hung up the phone, I just couldn't help but let out a sigh. The boys called and they wanted to hit downtown. All hung up on her, they convinced me that a night out would take my mind off of it all. From bar to bar, we'd take a swig and bounce to the next. However, when I got out of the bar at the end of 6th Ave., from across the street there was a girl that looked familiar. It was her. As her girls walked ahead, she chatted with a dude in the back of the pack. I didn't care if that dude was a stranger, one of her girls' boys or even one of her homies...my heart ached a little because she said she wanted time to herself but there she was. Then I began to think that I've been....



..."making a mistake I never learn from. I swear, I always fall for your type. Tell me why I always fall for your type. I just can't explain this ish at all"...

Fall For Your Type (Part 4)

(continued from Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)
At 3:45am my phone rings and I don't mind picking it up because her name is on the display screen. She had another wild night with her girlfriends and wanted to come home to me. Tired as hell, I walked to open the door. She walked straight in, put on one of my shirts, and curled up under the covers. This girl was for sure sipping on the alk but she had a reason too, she just got a promotion at work. She was coming off of her buzz and had a confession.

"I'm sorry that it's late but I just wanted to be with you tonight."

"It's okay, as long as you are safe..that's all that matters."

I turned over and held her in my arms. I brushed the hair off of her face so that I could gaze into her starlight eyes and then it came....

"I care about you a lot. I just want you to know that."

"I know. I care about you too."

"I know that we have pasts but I'm telling you now, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Okay baby. Just sleep. You're just drunk."

"No, I know what I'm saying. I'm serious."

And as I held her in my arms, I kissed her forehead and continued to stroke her hair. At that very moment..I knew that I wanted her forever when she said...

"I won't do you wrong like all them other girls. The difference between me and them is that...I love you completley for who you are."

..."you say that you’re nothing like the last girl. I just pray that you don’t let me down right now."...

Think Different

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Fall For Your Type (Part 3)

(continued from Part 1, Part 2)

This girl was unbelievable, I tell you. With her I can be completley honest and open without judgement. She respected my fast pace life, could keep up with me drink for drink and was the type that I could bring home to meet mom, all rolled into one. This girl was nothing less than amazing. Even my friends saw what her love was doing to me and they weren't afraid to call me out on it.

"Dude, this new girl got you acting mad different."

"Seriously though guys, she is different. So with that I got to do things differently."

"You're doing things that we have never seen you do."
"You better watch yourself. Girls like that look out for themselves. I mean look at all of your exs."
"Nah, she is not like that."
"Well we all just saying. You better ask her what the deal is and you guys better figure it out quick."
"Trust me, I got a good one on my hands."
"Ok, just don't say that we didn't warn you."

I mean I love my boys, they've always look out for me but they just didn't get it. This girl was everything and more. I thought that maybe they were on the offense because they haven't met her. So I decided to bring her to a friend's bbq. I mean, if she didn't get along with my friends then I knew that it wasn't going to work out. She had to meet my second family.

"Hey dude, what's up! Haven't seen you in a while dude."
"Yeah, I know. I've been working a lot."
"It's all good. Glad you made it out."

As she entered the room, everyone turned to the door. She grabbed their attention like a magnetic field. So while I had everyone's attention...

"Hey everyone, this is my girl."

She drank with the guys, played with the kiddies and conversed with the ladies. The night seemed like it was going well until her phone rang. I haven't seen some of these fellas in a while since many of them  started having families of their own but she needed to leave because she was assigned an early shift. As we got to the car, she apologized for having to cut it short. I started to approach her exit on the freeway but had to re-route to my pad when she said..

"If you don't mind, I don't want to go home tonight. I don't want to spend the night alone."


..."I’mma take you anywhere you wanna go. Let you meet my friends so they can lecture me again about how reckless I have been"...

Fall For Your Type (Part 2)

(continued from Part 1)

Being that she was different, she had big dreams and had this determination like no one that I have ever met. She understood me in ways that no one could grasp and for that I supported her in all of her aspirations.

Out of all of the guys that I knew were trying to get at her, I would always be the last one she connected with at the end of the night. She had the presence of a lady but acted like a boss down right. Having an attitude that thought like a boss, she started to have agendas that took time away from us. I respected that though. I knew that she had a lot to deal with but I knew that there was something missing.

"Are you really into me?"
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I'am."
"I just feel that I'm into you more than you are into me."

She put her phone down and gave off this uneasy vibe. I braced myself for what she was about to tell me.

"I've had my heart broken so many times and I just want to take things slow."
"We can go at any pace you want but is your heart in this?"
"Yeah, but I just want to be making the right decisions."

We've been keeping this relationship on the down low for too long. I just want to tell the world about this girl and how she makes me want to be a better man. However, I knew that I had to respect her space and her decisions. I knew if I did the opposite, I would risk losing her and there would be another guy quick to swoop in.


"So who am I to judge you on the past girl? I think there’s a reason for it all."

A Fairy Tale Non-Believer

One of my favorite bloggers, Abi, talked about having a happily ever after in your own way. As I think about it, I was never the type to believe in fairy tales. Yeah, Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast were my favorite Disney movies but I as I grew up, I knew that there was no prince charming waiting in the midst to save me.

After overcoming one big conflict, fairy tales end happily. However, what about the follow-up? Relationships are never as seamless as it seems in movies. There are more hurdles down the road then what they play it out to be. I know for damn sure that I've never been a princess. Okay, so maybe I have been treated like one before but I obviously did not get into that white pumpkin carriage in the end to be wifed up.

I've never waited for a knight in shining armor to rescue me. If a wolf came running full force toward me, I will not be that little damsel in distress. No running away here because my fist would be waiting to knock that beast in the face. If I got myself in a hot mess, I had to woman-up and climb over those stone walls in my stilettos if I wanted to save myself. You may think that I'm being an anti-relationship critic right now but I'm just saying....

For every person in this world, there is someone out there that was meant for you, I believe that. I know that I won't find a prince that will just give me everything that my heart desires because relationships mean work and collaboration. A relationship will only be as good as the hearts you both hold for each other through the roughest of times.

Like Abi said...there is "a Wil to my Jada." Because with tireless effort there is a Jay-Z to my Beyonce. A David to my Victoria. A Kekoa to my Makana.

I don't believe in fairy tales but I do believe in
LOVE.

..."don’t need the stilettos, I’m not cinderella. I don’t need a knight so baby take off all your amor….I don’t believe in fairy tales but I believe in you and me"...

Fall For Your Type

I knew that I had something good. She was a girl with a good head on her shoulders. An uncanning spunk that gave her an edge. I knew that I had to spend more time to get to know this girl. Although my mind was hestiant, my heart felt like I had nothing to lose.

"Promise me that you won't fall in love," she said.
Puzzled but dead locked into her eyes, "Don't be too confident girl."
"It's weird how we got to this point because you are usually not my type."
Unsure of whether to take it as an insult or compliment I asked,
"Well tell me, what is your type?"
"Everything opposite of you...Tell me, what is your type?"
"I don't have a type but I'll tell you this much, you're special. You 're different."

As much as I didn't want to unveil my softer side to her, I just knew that I had to say something because if I didn't I'd regret not saying a damn thing. I didn't want to stop something that hasn't reached it's full potential yet.

She got closer, clasped her hands in mine. The taste of her sweet lips compensated for the sneak peak of my heart. Floating on cloud nine, I asked myself...Is this really happening? Is this girl really feeling me? This girl was not my typical type, she was in a class all on her own. Her voice got me feeling like a school kid and just the sight of her, I swear she can hear my heartbeat over the speakers.

As I held her close, she kissed my neck and softly whispered, "You're special too. You are for sure something else."

"Cause man, it's been a while but I swear this one is different."

Maybe I Should Stop Saying It

Love.

Tell me what it really means to you. I often tell my family that I love them but that is always a given. I tell my friends that I love them as well. With acquaintances that I meet, sometimes I tell them that I "love" their ideas, their persona, and their actions. However someone told me that I use that word too freely and it got me thinking.

Love can mean so many things. Time, circumstances and the person itself all comes together to bring a different meaning to the word. When it comes down to it, love to me means appreciation. However that one specific person once told me that when I tell other people that I love them, they feel like the love I have for them are equal with everyone else. I told that specific person that just because I use that word with other people, that does not mean that the amount or depth of love that I have for everyone is the same. I've never used that word to lead people on or to give them the wrong intentions. I use the word love because I'm a very expressive person. Don't you like hearing the words love and having it associate with you? Because I for sure love it. It makes your heart tingle, it heightens your spirits and it makes you smile.

You may never know what may happen to you or the people that you care about. I feel that it is important to express those feelings with the people that are in your life while you are in the present moment. Remind them how much they mean to you. You will be surprised at the reactions you will get.

If I've told you that I loved you, I meant it.
If you are confused with the meaning, I can clarify my intentions and meaning for you.
If I've told you I love you before and I don't say it anymore, maybe it is because I've lost the meaning of those words when it comes to you or I'm waiting for you to say those words back to me.
I know that actions may speak louder than words and I'm suppose to already know how you feel...
but maybe you should just say something just so that I know that the feelings are mutual and so that I'm reminded of how much I still mean to you.

..."every time is the first time so I pretend it's the last time that I'mma ever hear you say those words"...

Cali Runaround

You can find more of my work at Hawaii's premiere lifestyle website, Nonstop Honolulu. My California adventure started in the Bay and then I worked my way down south. I hit these three cities:

SFO

LAX

SAN

check them out. :)
♥ much love.

Letter 7: The Person You Know Going Through A Rough Time

Dear Babygirl,
I know that you feel like you have been to hell and back but trust me when I say that you are not alone. I know that your heart is shattered, hope no longer existent, and you feel like you've sold your soul to the devil but trust me when I say that things are going to get better. You see babe, I've been where you have been and I'm here to tell you that you will get through this.

I know that he said that he loved you but his actions spoke otherwise. I know that you bent over backwards and he wasn't even willing to lift a finger for you. I know honey...I know. I know that you'd rather cry yourself to sleep and not wake up because the pain has penetrated through your skin, has intoxicated your bloodstream and now has reached your heart. You'd rather stay motionless and senseless than to feel that pain within the seconds that you awake.

I know that it may hurt to see him love another the same way that he loved you. You thought you were his one and only when really you were just one of many. Those very words, those gestures and those promises, he made to someone else as well. I know that you feel like nothing in this world matters now but what matters is that you are still living. I know that you feel lonely. You feel as if a part of your heart is missing and you feel that tingle that just makes you want to breakdown but you have people like me to lean on, to tell you that things are going to be alright.

You see, you are an amazing woman. He took you for granted and was so possesive of you because he knew deep down that you were a good thing. Although babe as much as you try to excuse his disrespectful actions, ask yourself this...why am I protecting someone that is hurting me in return? You deserve better than this. I know that it's hard and it will be hard for a while but you need to stop looking out for him and start being selfish for once. Do this for you and no one else. Put your foot down and say that you've had enough because why rely on someone to make you happy when you need to be happy and content with youself first. Trust me when I say that things happen for a reason and be that strong girl that don't crap from no none that I know you can be because babygirl, things will get better..just wait and see...but in the meantime babe, share your fireworks with the people that really love you.


Always here,
jerm

..."even brighter than the moon, moon, moon. It's always been inside of you and now it's time to let it through. Cause baby you're a firework. Come on show 'em what your worth"...