(continued from Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)
As much I want to admit that I'm happier, there are little things that seem to pull me back. I swear that he is amazing, but he just doesn't get it. Well he gets it, I guess he just doesn't get it like how you did. It's not his fault, he just needs to get used to it or am I just lying to myself?
It's been a couple weeks since we last talked and I understand that you are out there working to build your reputation, your foundation and most of all you are out there perfecting your craft. It's nice to be able to have normal conversations where we don't bicker about the past. It's nice to have someone that knows where you have been and and is proud to see where you are currently at. It's nice to move forward with someone by your side, encouraging you every step of the way.
With us, we have finally come to terms that even though we will never get back together; that we have each other's back. Because the past was meant to happen and we had to go through it in order to bring us where we are today. We may not be in the position where we thought we would be but at the same time, it's nice to know that you are still here with me.
As I'm sink my feet in the sand and close my eyes, my short time of relaxation is abruptly interrupted. So I look onward as the sun bids the skies farewell.
"What's cooking good looking?"
"Nothing much, just on the beach."
"Soaking up some sun I see."
"No, just came to hear the ocean."
"If you went to hear the ocean, that can only mean one thing. Everything ok?"
"Just thinking things through; about love, my career, you know...life."
"Well you are a good person. Don't think too hard."
"Yeah, I try not to over think, I can only hope that it's right."
We have known each other for so long that we get each other. We don't have to say what we are pertaining to or even explain ourselves. You can tell by my use or words that something is on my mind and when I look into your eyes, I already know how your heart feels. As we said our goodbyes, you abstractly ended the conversation letting me know that in the end you will always care.
"Tell me have you heard that lately? I’m just sayin’ you could do better."
Showing posts with label Thing Called "Love". Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thing Called "Love". Show all posts
Monday, January 9, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Farewell 2011
When 2011 started, I went into the year with an attitude of optimism and hope. However this crazy roller coaster of a life decided to take me on several detours and unplanned drops. I thought that I was well prepared to enter the new year with the lessons learned from the previous but as it panned out, life had more things to teach me.
I was blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people this year. I had to bid a due to some but I was able to create new relationships while being able to strengthen existing ones. When people cross your path in life, I believe it is in contribution for a bigger purpose. Sometimes the purpose is unknown at the current moment and sometimes the overlay of paths vary in length but there are things that people teach you; it helps build your character but it also helps tear down your walls of ignorance. Many of us often forget that we are not perfect and in the end, we are all human.
Along with the wonderful people were the beautiful experiences. A wise man told me "do not lose the romance of life." So, I pushed myself more than ever to take leaps of faith. We all want something to better ourselves but we are often scared of the unknown. I put myself out there and put myself in the most vulnerable situations. I didn't have time to be scared because when it comes to something that you really want in life, the worst thing that can happen is that you are told no. Rejection prepares you for something better and gives you motivation to strive for better. Rejection and determination this year helped me reinvent my craft, helped my career, allowed me to travel and helped me create memories that I will never forget.
I learned to not get lost in the crowd, to stick to my beliefs and to never forget my worth. I feel that once you lose who you are, you lose the essence of what you been striving for and you lose vision of the person that you have been working to become. I've worked 50+ hour weeks and it became a breath of fresh air to take a personal day, filling in my own agenda with things that I really wanted to do. Money is an essential tool to function in this world but it isn't an essential piece to achieve happiness.
I had my heart broken this year but I also learned how to open my heart in ways I never knew. I cried tears of sadness this year but also smiled with tears of happiness. I went to hell only to be brought back to life and I fell down hard only to get back up to work even harder. All in all, this past year was full of passion and love.
I know that 2012 has more things to bestow upon me and I'm looking forward to every second of that roller coaster ride of a life. "It should never take you a new year to realize that you need to change something." Life will not wait for you so don't second guess yourself, take a risk and seize every moment that comes your way. I promise you, you won't regret it.
"I won't worry and I won't waste my time. Don't let the days go by...breathe in each moment, you can find hope."
I was blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people this year. I had to bid a due to some but I was able to create new relationships while being able to strengthen existing ones. When people cross your path in life, I believe it is in contribution for a bigger purpose. Sometimes the purpose is unknown at the current moment and sometimes the overlay of paths vary in length but there are things that people teach you; it helps build your character but it also helps tear down your walls of ignorance. Many of us often forget that we are not perfect and in the end, we are all human.
Along with the wonderful people were the beautiful experiences. A wise man told me "do not lose the romance of life." So, I pushed myself more than ever to take leaps of faith. We all want something to better ourselves but we are often scared of the unknown. I put myself out there and put myself in the most vulnerable situations. I didn't have time to be scared because when it comes to something that you really want in life, the worst thing that can happen is that you are told no. Rejection prepares you for something better and gives you motivation to strive for better. Rejection and determination this year helped me reinvent my craft, helped my career, allowed me to travel and helped me create memories that I will never forget.
I learned to not get lost in the crowd, to stick to my beliefs and to never forget my worth. I feel that once you lose who you are, you lose the essence of what you been striving for and you lose vision of the person that you have been working to become. I've worked 50+ hour weeks and it became a breath of fresh air to take a personal day, filling in my own agenda with things that I really wanted to do. Money is an essential tool to function in this world but it isn't an essential piece to achieve happiness.
I had my heart broken this year but I also learned how to open my heart in ways I never knew. I cried tears of sadness this year but also smiled with tears of happiness. I went to hell only to be brought back to life and I fell down hard only to get back up to work even harder. All in all, this past year was full of passion and love.
I know that 2012 has more things to bestow upon me and I'm looking forward to every second of that roller coaster ride of a life. "It should never take you a new year to realize that you need to change something." Life will not wait for you so don't second guess yourself, take a risk and seize every moment that comes your way. I promise you, you won't regret it.
"I won't worry and I won't waste my time. Don't let the days go by...breathe in each moment, you can find hope."
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Dear No One,
I know when you are around me, I can come off as independent, strong and hard-headed. I know that I live a fast pace life and sometimes I don't acknowledge you because I'm caught up in the grind but there are some things that I think that you should know. Some things that you should keep in mind and some things that you should never ever forget.
If there is one thing that can hit the spot, its talking about love. I can only explain so much about the situations I have been through with love. I can tell you about the times where I felt like I was in a fairytale, at the top of the world even...I can even tell you about the journeys where I've been to hell and back.
I may not know everything about how to conduct a perfect relationship but these are the very few things that that I know about love: that is loving without judgement, loving with all that I have and most of all loving no matter the circumstance. That is all I have ever known and is the way I continue to keep loving. Just know that I'm trying my very best with what I have left.
I'm a little rough around the edges and I may come off as someone that's cold-hearted. I don't mean to push people away it's just that many times you have to be careful who you open up to because only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
Out of everything that you can offer, all I ask is for you to give me everything that money can't buy. Pull me close me when I feel like I'm falling apart; kiss me on the forehead and sooth me when I'm sick; hold my hand and walk with me when I'm afraid...these are all things that have the most value and these are moments that I would not trade for the world.
Love is all about balance and there is a reason why love found us when we weren't looking. We may not always have a smooth path in front of us but just know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. If there is one thing that everyone needs, in the end...we all need love and I promise, I'll love you till the end.
So until then, all we can do is be patient because when the time comes, we both will know it was worth the wait.
..."I’m done lookin’, for my future someone because when the time is right you’ll be here. But for now dear no one, this is your love song"...
If there is one thing that can hit the spot, its talking about love. I can only explain so much about the situations I have been through with love. I can tell you about the times where I felt like I was in a fairytale, at the top of the world even...I can even tell you about the journeys where I've been to hell and back.
I may not know everything about how to conduct a perfect relationship but these are the very few things that that I know about love: that is loving without judgement, loving with all that I have and most of all loving no matter the circumstance. That is all I have ever known and is the way I continue to keep loving. Just know that I'm trying my very best with what I have left.
I'm a little rough around the edges and I may come off as someone that's cold-hearted. I don't mean to push people away it's just that many times you have to be careful who you open up to because only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
Out of everything that you can offer, all I ask is for you to give me everything that money can't buy. Pull me close me when I feel like I'm falling apart; kiss me on the forehead and sooth me when I'm sick; hold my hand and walk with me when I'm afraid...these are all things that have the most value and these are moments that I would not trade for the world.
Love is all about balance and there is a reason why love found us when we weren't looking. We may not always have a smooth path in front of us but just know that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. If there is one thing that everyone needs, in the end...we all need love and I promise, I'll love you till the end.
So until then, all we can do is be patient because when the time comes, we both will know it was worth the wait.
..."I’m done lookin’, for my future someone because when the time is right you’ll be here. But for now dear no one, this is your love song"...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
To the men that love(d) me
I know that it was hard, when I told you that I needed to walk away. Knowing just how much you loved me and knowing what you would have done for me to stay, I still chose to leave. And now here I am thinking about what could have been.
We have so many memories. Memories that remind us of our hurdles, memories of elation and most of all memories of love. It's funny how I told you we couldn't be because I didn't want my selfish ways to hurt you. Although who was I fooling because in the end, I ended up hurting myself instead. Yes things happen for a bigger purpose and when it comes to relationships, our hindsight is 20/20 but here I am mad at myself. I've taken off my glasses and have wiped it down with my senses, seeing the picture a little too late.
You are a good man and I know that you deserve better than me. I know I've told you that I'm trying to concentrate on myself and my dreams. Although those are true, after the ordeal with you I've been trying to tell myself to live my life with no regrets; just to convince my soul that forgiveness has been granted for all of the self-inflicted pain. I used the past as an excuse so that you could wave your white flag out of the relationship realm but here I am wishing for you to be sitting right next to me, wishing we could go back to how it used to be.
I turned away from you, someone that truly loves me; so that I could try something new with someone else. However, he doesn't feel for me the same way and now Im walking in the shoes you were previously in. Here I am even harder on myself because I'm repeating the same mistake; leaving people that love me to chase people that could care less. This new guy is amazing and I wish he could see just how much I love him but nothing I do seems to be get through to him. The emptiness that he is making me feel bewilders my mind because I can only imagine the pain that I had put you through.
For all of the pain that I have caused, I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me. They say that people should not take an eye for an eye and I thank you for not having any hard feelings against me. But for some reason karma is taking out my vision as we speak and for the moment, my heart remains blind to this all. Thank you for seeing the good in me and most of all, for everything that I put you through...thank you for still loving me unconditionally.
..."Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? I wish nothing but the best for you."...
We have so many memories. Memories that remind us of our hurdles, memories of elation and most of all memories of love. It's funny how I told you we couldn't be because I didn't want my selfish ways to hurt you. Although who was I fooling because in the end, I ended up hurting myself instead. Yes things happen for a bigger purpose and when it comes to relationships, our hindsight is 20/20 but here I am mad at myself. I've taken off my glasses and have wiped it down with my senses, seeing the picture a little too late.
You are a good man and I know that you deserve better than me. I know I've told you that I'm trying to concentrate on myself and my dreams. Although those are true, after the ordeal with you I've been trying to tell myself to live my life with no regrets; just to convince my soul that forgiveness has been granted for all of the self-inflicted pain. I used the past as an excuse so that you could wave your white flag out of the relationship realm but here I am wishing for you to be sitting right next to me, wishing we could go back to how it used to be.
I turned away from you, someone that truly loves me; so that I could try something new with someone else. However, he doesn't feel for me the same way and now Im walking in the shoes you were previously in. Here I am even harder on myself because I'm repeating the same mistake; leaving people that love me to chase people that could care less. This new guy is amazing and I wish he could see just how much I love him but nothing I do seems to be get through to him. The emptiness that he is making me feel bewilders my mind because I can only imagine the pain that I had put you through.
For all of the pain that I have caused, I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me. They say that people should not take an eye for an eye and I thank you for not having any hard feelings against me. But for some reason karma is taking out my vision as we speak and for the moment, my heart remains blind to this all. Thank you for seeing the good in me and most of all, for everything that I put you through...thank you for still loving me unconditionally.
..."Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? I wish nothing but the best for you."...
Monday, August 15, 2011
Your Motivation
It takes an understanding person to correlate where a person is presently and where they want to eventually be. Understanding what details it entails to get there; even it means sacrificing your relationship with that person will be the deciding factor of who really believed in you and what they were willing to do to see you get there. As a significant other, you witness a side that is exclusively shared behind closed doors.
I've always said that a man with a plan is sexy. Being confident in a proposition is commendable in some aspect but being able to defend criticism with a uncanning rebuttal will exhibit just how much work you have put in. Like one of my friends Jozen had once said, "I'm a big supporter of free speech but I also believe in being accountable for the speech you speak." Not only is it fascinating to watch just how passionate a man can be about where he believes he is destined to be but it is also astonishing to see just how much they will endure to arrive there both mentally, physically and emotionally.
I've always believed that as a woman that you should contribute to your man's foundation. To be there to support him in every way possible but to also keep him in check; to remind him of his humble beginnings and to be there to extract the superficial from his true self. I also believe that as a woman, that you should also assist him by preparing him for the unfavorable inevitable. It is not to demolish his courageous drive but to strengthen the anticipation of the unpredictable journey that lies ahead.
So baby...I'll be here to help pick up the pieces after your hard day so that you can get yourself together to face tomorrow. It doesn't matter how many rounds we have to tolerate, I'll be there till the last second of each one because I'll always be loyal, your #1 fan. I'll be there to resuscitate you when you feel like your life has been consumed by all that doubted. I'll be there to believe in you and all that you desire to be; and I'll do this not because it is required of me but because I have faith in the talents that you posses. Just as much as you yearn to show the world what you are capable of, I want the world to see the reasons why I love you. So even if it means giving up our love so that you can attain your life long dream, I'm willing to do whatever it takes because in the end, I can only hope that you would love me enough to do the same.
..."you're almost there. You can do it, I believe in you baby. So close from here, baby I’ma be your motivation"...
I've always said that a man with a plan is sexy. Being confident in a proposition is commendable in some aspect but being able to defend criticism with a uncanning rebuttal will exhibit just how much work you have put in. Like one of my friends Jozen had once said, "I'm a big supporter of free speech but I also believe in being accountable for the speech you speak." Not only is it fascinating to watch just how passionate a man can be about where he believes he is destined to be but it is also astonishing to see just how much they will endure to arrive there both mentally, physically and emotionally.
I've always believed that as a woman that you should contribute to your man's foundation. To be there to support him in every way possible but to also keep him in check; to remind him of his humble beginnings and to be there to extract the superficial from his true self. I also believe that as a woman, that you should also assist him by preparing him for the unfavorable inevitable. It is not to demolish his courageous drive but to strengthen the anticipation of the unpredictable journey that lies ahead.
So baby...I'll be here to help pick up the pieces after your hard day so that you can get yourself together to face tomorrow. It doesn't matter how many rounds we have to tolerate, I'll be there till the last second of each one because I'll always be loyal, your #1 fan. I'll be there to resuscitate you when you feel like your life has been consumed by all that doubted. I'll be there to believe in you and all that you desire to be; and I'll do this not because it is required of me but because I have faith in the talents that you posses. Just as much as you yearn to show the world what you are capable of, I want the world to see the reasons why I love you. So even if it means giving up our love so that you can attain your life long dream, I'm willing to do whatever it takes because in the end, I can only hope that you would love me enough to do the same.
..."you're almost there. You can do it, I believe in you baby. So close from here, baby I’ma be your motivation"...
Saturday, July 9, 2011
How To Love
Just when you thought that this one was going to be different, just when you thought this would be the person that would help you re-define the meaning of love...it all falls apart and you are back to square one. Because you thought that you learned from your past mistakes, you thought that this time you will take a risk and this time, you felt that you were dealt the right hand...only to realize that everything you thought was a dream come true was just a mere illusion.
No one will tell another how to love because to each person it means something different while at the same time, each relationship embodies a different kind of love. Even though we try to do things differently in every relationship, saying that we've learned our lessons...what we don't recognize is that we are constantly learning. We rely on those type of experiences with other people to enlighten us in more ways than one but when the movie scripted scene does not play out, we go back and blame ourselves, boiling down to the same redundant statement...that maybe we weren't enough, that we didn't do something right... that we just didn't know how to love.
There is no perfect way to love someone. With love you say it through your words, you show it through your actions and most of all you feel it in your heart. The most important type of love that we need to learn is how to love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves then there is no way that we can love anyone else. In time we learn how to love when we are with someone, when we leave someone we love, or when a person that we love leaves us.
No one is perfect but someone will come along and will love you for all that you are and they will admire your efforts because true love has no barriers. Whether things are meant to be or not, in the end we learn how to love the people and things in our lives; we learn how to love ourselves; and most importantly we learn how to love life.
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life, that word is love. You can never go wrong when you learn how to love with that you are and there is no better love when you love with all of your heart.
..."Now you in the corner tryna put it together, how to love. See I just want you to know, that you deserve the best you’re beautiful."...
No one will tell another how to love because to each person it means something different while at the same time, each relationship embodies a different kind of love. Even though we try to do things differently in every relationship, saying that we've learned our lessons...what we don't recognize is that we are constantly learning. We rely on those type of experiences with other people to enlighten us in more ways than one but when the movie scripted scene does not play out, we go back and blame ourselves, boiling down to the same redundant statement...that maybe we weren't enough, that we didn't do something right... that we just didn't know how to love.
There is no perfect way to love someone. With love you say it through your words, you show it through your actions and most of all you feel it in your heart. The most important type of love that we need to learn is how to love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves then there is no way that we can love anyone else. In time we learn how to love when we are with someone, when we leave someone we love, or when a person that we love leaves us.
No one is perfect but someone will come along and will love you for all that you are and they will admire your efforts because true love has no barriers. Whether things are meant to be or not, in the end we learn how to love the people and things in our lives; we learn how to love ourselves; and most importantly we learn how to love life.
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life, that word is love. You can never go wrong when you learn how to love with that you are and there is no better love when you love with all of your heart.
..."Now you in the corner tryna put it together, how to love. See I just want you to know, that you deserve the best you’re beautiful."...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
To The Main Ladies Of My Life
On this day, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for all that you've done for me and our families. I know that you have endured a lot and I just want you to know that I love you. I love you for the sacrifices, all those late nights, tireless mornings and nonstop hustling..I know that all of that has worn your hands and feet...but I'm appreciative that it has never worn your mind, heart or soul.
On this day, I honor you. I can only hope that I make you ladies proud by being all that I can be and by instilling the values and morals that you have taught me to my children.
..."I said mommy Imma love you till you don't hurt no more and when I'm older, you aint gotta work no more. And Imma get you that mansion that we couldn't afford. See you're, unbreakable, unmistakable....I appreciate what you allowed for me. I just want you to be proud of me."...
On this day, I honor you. I can only hope that I make you ladies proud by being all that I can be and by instilling the values and morals that you have taught me to my children.
 |
| My mommy, Imelda. |
 |
| My paternal mom, Mama Maxi. |
 |
| My maternal mom, Mama Monica. |
..."I said mommy Imma love you till you don't hurt no more and when I'm older, you aint gotta work no more. And Imma get you that mansion that we couldn't afford. See you're, unbreakable, unmistakable....I appreciate what you allowed for me. I just want you to be proud of me."...
Monday, May 2, 2011
Love The Way You Lie
I love the way you lie.
like when you say that this will be the last time that you...
call me names that seep into my soul.
Push me up against the wall to keep me posted because this vicinty is suffocating.
Because baby, I love the way you lie.
So re-tell those memories of when we first met.
How you knew that I was something special, how I was different from the rest.
The memories of the first time you held my hand, the first time we kissed, the first time we danced...the first time you realized that you loved me.
Tell me those lies again baby because those memories seem so long ago.
I just love the way you lie.
Like when you told me how we were going to make our dreams come true, raise a family together, grow old together.
How you said that you will always be there to listen, how you said you will always take care of me, that you will always have my back.
Little did I know, you were the very one that would turn my words against me..only to hurt me, and only to stab me in the back.
So baby, hold me down with those empty promises because I love the way you lie.
Tell me about the places we'll go and the people we'll meet.
About the dreams that are now in the past, the plans that we got for the present and the plans that we want to accomplish in the future.
Threaten me about how if I left, no one will want me. How you are the best thing I ever had and how no one can put up with my antics.
Tell me the lies of blame baby because I'll take it all.
We'll turn this love into a cold hearted war.
Push and pull. Fire set a blaze.
Lie to me baby because you are good at it.
Tell me that this is all a phase that we will be stronger, that things will get better just as long as we are together.
So as you continue to make this all hurt, kiss heartbreak on these lips and feed me all these lies...
I will continue to search for happiness within this madness and eventually walk away to learn the well deserved truth.
..."Just gonna stand there and watch me burn but that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry but that's all right because I love the way you lie."...
like when you say that this will be the last time that you...
call me names that seep into my soul.
Push me up against the wall to keep me posted because this vicinty is suffocating.
Because baby, I love the way you lie.
So re-tell those memories of when we first met.
How you knew that I was something special, how I was different from the rest.
The memories of the first time you held my hand, the first time we kissed, the first time we danced...the first time you realized that you loved me.
Tell me those lies again baby because those memories seem so long ago.
I just love the way you lie.
Like when you told me how we were going to make our dreams come true, raise a family together, grow old together.
How you said that you will always be there to listen, how you said you will always take care of me, that you will always have my back.
Little did I know, you were the very one that would turn my words against me..only to hurt me, and only to stab me in the back.
So baby, hold me down with those empty promises because I love the way you lie.
Tell me about the places we'll go and the people we'll meet.
About the dreams that are now in the past, the plans that we got for the present and the plans that we want to accomplish in the future.
Threaten me about how if I left, no one will want me. How you are the best thing I ever had and how no one can put up with my antics.
Tell me the lies of blame baby because I'll take it all.
We'll turn this love into a cold hearted war.
Push and pull. Fire set a blaze.
Lie to me baby because you are good at it.
Tell me that this is all a phase that we will be stronger, that things will get better just as long as we are together.
So as you continue to make this all hurt, kiss heartbreak on these lips and feed me all these lies...
I will continue to search for happiness within this madness and eventually walk away to learn the well deserved truth.
..."Just gonna stand there and watch me burn but that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry but that's all right because I love the way you lie."...
Monday, April 4, 2011
This Is My Confession...
I don't have a lot of sand in my hour glass babe. I over stuff every pocket I have, I'm always running on E and my stomach is never satisfied but hungry for more. So let's not sugar coat anything, let's cut the chase and let's do things the way we have always done it - STRAIGHT raw. This is becoming ridiculously redundant and honestly, we have better things to be working on with people that truly matter to us.
So let me air it and lay it out for you. This may be much for you but I have to be true to myself and admit this out loud. I like you and I care for you. I know that you know, yet we casually bring it up and go on like nothing was ever mentioned. We say that we want to live in the moment, create more moments yet never lose these moments. Although, these emotions that I have contradict what what we say yet encourage my gestures. All I really want to do is kick it with you, to compliment you, to be enough for you.
I don't expect anything but honesty yet it seems that I can't trust myself with you. My intuition has never failed me and yet here I am telling it to kick rocks when deep down inside I know that it's just trying to warn me for what's ahead. I know you feel like I'll never catch on but I have to give you a round of applause because your performance is a show that I've seen before. Like when you whisper little somethings in my ear to get me going. I'll admit that they are pretty slick but just know that those lines are empty nothings that I find amusing because you can't fool a girl that has already mastered those plays. There are things that can play with my mind but I'll never let anyone compromise my dignity for their own self-assurance. Baby, you are feeding me a dish of bull because to you I'm just miss "right now." But I'll reiterate this right now; I'm the miss that is right-headed enough to say these things vociferously without personal anguish.
I've never asked you to dish a dime but to just spend time. I relentlessly work hard to be the best that I can be and I want you to see that. I want you to acknowledge the fact that I'm not one of those girls that will be stuck on stupid and pause their lives because of love. I want you to absorb that I'm a woman that is doing what she loves, that is high on life, discovering the world, and meeting new people..yet anxiously awaiting to come home to you - a reputable man that loves her.
So yes, commitment may have been a relevant issue but the only thing that I want babe is for you to commit to the nurturing aspect of this relationship. We may not ever end up together but I want us to become a cultivation of knowledge and experience so that we not only help or learn from each other; but feed off the force of inspiration that only comes alive because we are a part of each others lives.
With these words my love, please excuse the magnitude-- I just wanted to get this off my chest. It's better to reveal a taste of what is going on inside then regret words that I never had the encourage to utter. So if this is too much for you I totally understand because with or without you...baby, the show must go on. So for the sake of you and I, don't waste my time, respect my mind, and understand my grind.
I can only hope that you are truly the man that I've always pictured you to be.
So let me air it and lay it out for you. This may be much for you but I have to be true to myself and admit this out loud. I like you and I care for you. I know that you know, yet we casually bring it up and go on like nothing was ever mentioned. We say that we want to live in the moment, create more moments yet never lose these moments. Although, these emotions that I have contradict what what we say yet encourage my gestures. All I really want to do is kick it with you, to compliment you, to be enough for you.
I don't expect anything but honesty yet it seems that I can't trust myself with you. My intuition has never failed me and yet here I am telling it to kick rocks when deep down inside I know that it's just trying to warn me for what's ahead. I know you feel like I'll never catch on but I have to give you a round of applause because your performance is a show that I've seen before. Like when you whisper little somethings in my ear to get me going. I'll admit that they are pretty slick but just know that those lines are empty nothings that I find amusing because you can't fool a girl that has already mastered those plays. There are things that can play with my mind but I'll never let anyone compromise my dignity for their own self-assurance. Baby, you are feeding me a dish of bull because to you I'm just miss "right now." But I'll reiterate this right now; I'm the miss that is right-headed enough to say these things vociferously without personal anguish.
I've never asked you to dish a dime but to just spend time. I relentlessly work hard to be the best that I can be and I want you to see that. I want you to acknowledge the fact that I'm not one of those girls that will be stuck on stupid and pause their lives because of love. I want you to absorb that I'm a woman that is doing what she loves, that is high on life, discovering the world, and meeting new people..yet anxiously awaiting to come home to you - a reputable man that loves her.
So yes, commitment may have been a relevant issue but the only thing that I want babe is for you to commit to the nurturing aspect of this relationship. We may not ever end up together but I want us to become a cultivation of knowledge and experience so that we not only help or learn from each other; but feed off the force of inspiration that only comes alive because we are a part of each others lives.
With these words my love, please excuse the magnitude-- I just wanted to get this off my chest. It's better to reveal a taste of what is going on inside then regret words that I never had the encourage to utter. So if this is too much for you I totally understand because with or without you...baby, the show must go on. So for the sake of you and I, don't waste my time, respect my mind, and understand my grind.
I can only hope that you are truly the man that I've always pictured you to be.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Nothing Less Than Ambitious
"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore. "
- Lady Gaga
Cosmopolitan March 2010 Issue
My friends sometimes think that I spread myself too thin and all of my exs can tell you that I've got that competitive hustle, sometimes too much for my own good and sanity. While my career-oriented mindset has not affected my friendships, it has often times affected my personal relationships.
The industry that I have decided to follow can sometimes be called a "thank-less" job. Although that may be the case at times, I've always followed the wise words of Confucius: "find a career that you love so that you won't have to work a day in your life." Even though the harsh realities of my industry can be exhausting, the love and hate relationship with it falls mostly in love. There were times back in the day and even sometimes now, where people ask for work "favors." Knowing that I'm not going to get anything in return, if my schedule and ability is able...then I take it on. My significant others never understood why but I never asked them to comprehend it all. Coming from an immigrant family, hard work is in our blood. Even though I have put my work assignments before family gatherings at times, my family has always understood the importance of my work, most of all they have always understood my passion for it.
The exs knew I indulged myself in my work but didn't know just how deep. In every relationship that I have been in, I have always gotten into arguments over my work schedule. Working well over 50 hours a week, it was frustrating to come home to words of: "you are hardly home," "when are we going to spend time?," or the famous line because I'm so tired that I don't want to cuddle.."you don't love me anymore." As much as I wanted my former men to want my affection, making me feel guilty about it just became irritating at times, sometimes like white noise.
It was often hard when I felt like I had to choose between love for a guy and my career. Even though these guys knew where I wanted to be, they never quite understood just how determined I was until it was too late into the relationship. Every break up ended up with them saying that I loved my job more than them and that I was being selfish. As heartbreaking as it was then, I know that if I were in their shoes, I would have said this: "I wish you nothing but success in all that your pursue. I love you enough to let you go so that you can pursue the dreams that you had before us. I can only hope that our paths will cross again someday but I know that I'd rather have you leave to find out what can be instead of having you stay and wonder what if."
Because I'll never hold someone back. I'd rather have them chase their dreams then chase our love. Like my homie Wale would say "I love the person that you are, but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be." So even though love can be my kryptonite, I'd rather have someone push me to be the superwoman that I have yet to become...even if it meant leaving the both of us with broken hearts and even if it meant our heartache being the cost of teaching us the lesson of selfless love. So to my loves that can feel me on this entry, I'll tell you this: Live to fulfill your dreams and keep pushing till your heart feels that you have made your mark in this world. Don't let anyone change you or tell you otherwise because it takes patience to stick by a determined person…and it takes real love to interpret a person's intimidation or confidence as pure ambition.
(Warning: This songs contains explicit lyrics)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Be True To You
You sit on the floor in the midst of it all, questioning yourself because...
He cheated on your heart.
She left you and won't come back.
He took advantage of you or she doesn't seem to notice you.
I know that smile you put on is to disguise the pain.
But babe, don't let that gloomy feeling consume you.
Don't let that feeling force you to re-evaluate your characteristics because there is nothing wrong with who you are.
Because you should NEVER have to think twice.
Just because one person can't recognize or appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are then baby, it just wasn't meant to be.
Everyone has flaws and imperfections but don't let their criticism taunt you.
Remember my love, it is not about perfection but all about progression.
In this world, genuine people like you are rare.
People will try to influence you and break you down but you don't need to fit into any mold because my love when it comes to you, any industry standard can't compare.
While others see nothing, a special individual will take the time to understand and see just how amazing you are...just like I have.
So love, don't live life by pretending to be something that you aren't because in the end, you will just be fooling yourself.
Even though they abandoned you on that stage to ridicule you, step back and bow out gracefully.
As the curtains close, take a deep breath and pick up the pieces of your heart during this intermission..
And tell yourself this:
Don't let heartbreak or a mistake phase you and don't ever think that you are never good enough.
You are a shining light baby, some people just can't handle the glare.
It's not about the amount of falls that we endure, it's all about the amount of times that we get back up to continue this journey called life.
To admit that you are hurting is not a sign of weakness but a sign that you are human...
A sign that you have a heart...a sign that you've let your guard down and have allowed yourself to feel.
So baby go ahead and let out your one last cry.
Cause while others continue to sit amongst the clouds with their bluffs...with the sincerity that you exemplify, baby you'll be beaming above them all.
..."Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing...Just be true to who you are"...
He cheated on your heart.
She left you and won't come back.
He took advantage of you or she doesn't seem to notice you.
I know that smile you put on is to disguise the pain.
But babe, don't let that gloomy feeling consume you.
Don't let that feeling force you to re-evaluate your characteristics because there is nothing wrong with who you are.
Because you should NEVER have to think twice.
Just because one person can't recognize or appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are then baby, it just wasn't meant to be.
Everyone has flaws and imperfections but don't let their criticism taunt you.
Remember my love, it is not about perfection but all about progression.
In this world, genuine people like you are rare.
People will try to influence you and break you down but you don't need to fit into any mold because my love when it comes to you, any industry standard can't compare.
While others see nothing, a special individual will take the time to understand and see just how amazing you are...just like I have.
So love, don't live life by pretending to be something that you aren't because in the end, you will just be fooling yourself.
Even though they abandoned you on that stage to ridicule you, step back and bow out gracefully.
As the curtains close, take a deep breath and pick up the pieces of your heart during this intermission..
And tell yourself this:
Don't let heartbreak or a mistake phase you and don't ever think that you are never good enough.
You are a shining light baby, some people just can't handle the glare.
It's not about the amount of falls that we endure, it's all about the amount of times that we get back up to continue this journey called life.
To admit that you are hurting is not a sign of weakness but a sign that you are human...
A sign that you have a heart...a sign that you've let your guard down and have allowed yourself to feel.
So baby go ahead and let out your one last cry.
Cause while others continue to sit amongst the clouds with their bluffs...with the sincerity that you exemplify, baby you'll be beaming above them all.
..."Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing...Just be true to who you are"...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Her in Him, Him In Her
Because as much we try to hide it, we are not fools.
I can see that when I do things, you are used to them being done a certain way.
Because I know your heart and a small part of you still loves her.
I'm not mad nor sad about it, granted that I understand.
She was everything you knew for a while, everything that you loved and she played a big part in your life.
As much as you say that you and her are nothing more than friends, there is nothing that I could ever do to have you feel the same for me.
I know that when I sit on the opposite side of the couch, the tension is bigger than the space between us.
I know that prickily feeling pierces your heart a little when I pull away from your love because of what he has done to me.
And when you tell me that I'm simply beautiful, I know that you are frustrated because that word does not exist in my vocabulary.
I know that my thought process is not in sync with yours and that you attempt to comprehend what I'm trying to bring forth through my contradictory actions.
And as much as you don't want to hurt me and just want the best for us, sprinkle the salt on these wounds just a little because sooner or later the sting with numb the pain.
Although, we both know that we are addicted to this.
We both know that we can't commit to this.
All we can do is embrace this...moment.
As much as you see him in me and as much as I see her in you...they both influenced us into the people that we are today.
So even though I know she takes up most of your heart space, I thank her for making you into the man that I fell so hard for.
I can see that when I do things, you are used to them being done a certain way.
Because I know your heart and a small part of you still loves her.
I'm not mad nor sad about it, granted that I understand.
She was everything you knew for a while, everything that you loved and she played a big part in your life.
As much as you say that you and her are nothing more than friends, there is nothing that I could ever do to have you feel the same for me.
I know that when I sit on the opposite side of the couch, the tension is bigger than the space between us.
I know that prickily feeling pierces your heart a little when I pull away from your love because of what he has done to me.
And when you tell me that I'm simply beautiful, I know that you are frustrated because that word does not exist in my vocabulary.
I know that my thought process is not in sync with yours and that you attempt to comprehend what I'm trying to bring forth through my contradictory actions.
And as much as you don't want to hurt me and just want the best for us, sprinkle the salt on these wounds just a little because sooner or later the sting with numb the pain.
Although, we both know that we are addicted to this.
We both know that we can't commit to this.
All we can do is embrace this...moment.
As much as you see him in me and as much as I see her in you...they both influenced us into the people that we are today.
So even though I know she takes up most of your heart space, I thank her for making you into the man that I fell so hard for.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
In To Fall Out (Part 3)
(continued from Part 1, Part 2)
As he stared into my eyes, I couldn't help but think about how wonderful this man was. He was everything that I could ever ask for. As cliche as it was, my reality was way better than my dreams and as much as I wanted to incorporate him in my future, our dreams were leading us in two different directions.
I've thought about cutting out the intimate part of our relationship because it was safer for us to be friends. What was the sense of continuing it all when there was no mutual goal to attain? He was going to leave in a couple of years and so was I. However I also thought about what I had promised myself years ago: to live life without any regrets. I did not want to move on with my life without giving us a shot.
"I really like you," he whispered.
And as I stared, I tried to tuck my worries away.
As I touched his face, I looked deep into his beautiful hazel eyes, kissed him on his forehead and whispered back, "you're amazing."
Because he was nothing less than amazing. He had a genuine soul that was undeniable, he had a heart that you could not help but adore and he knew all of the right things to say or do in order to wash away all of your troubles.
While we were laying in bed, I gently caressed his chest. I just wanted to soak it all in. Even if was just simply being beside him.
"What's wrong baby?"
"Nothing. Just looking at you."
As he gently brushed my arm he trusted his intuition and asked, "tell me what's on your mind."
So I let him hear it.
"We can't get attached."
He had his way with words and instead of agreeing with me, he said "we both believe that things happen for a reason." As he kissed me, he gazed into my eyes with contentment. "We just don't know what the reason is just yet but trust me when I say that I enjoy all the time that you give me."
There I'am saying in my head, that line was perfect! Where is the director waiting to call cut? Because really, who says that? But as he sat up to lean over he said, "for our hearts sake though, we'll stop this when you feel like it's best."
With relief I told him that he had to make me that promise.
And as he kissed me for the last time that night he said something that reassured me he was paying attention to every secret pocket of my heart, "We'll try our best so that both of us don't end up hurting."
..."The way you move, the way you look at me. There's something about the way you see things
its like a change of scenery. Everything about you, I just want more of."...
As he stared into my eyes, I couldn't help but think about how wonderful this man was. He was everything that I could ever ask for. As cliche as it was, my reality was way better than my dreams and as much as I wanted to incorporate him in my future, our dreams were leading us in two different directions.
I've thought about cutting out the intimate part of our relationship because it was safer for us to be friends. What was the sense of continuing it all when there was no mutual goal to attain? He was going to leave in a couple of years and so was I. However I also thought about what I had promised myself years ago: to live life without any regrets. I did not want to move on with my life without giving us a shot.
"I really like you," he whispered.
And as I stared, I tried to tuck my worries away.
As I touched his face, I looked deep into his beautiful hazel eyes, kissed him on his forehead and whispered back, "you're amazing."
Because he was nothing less than amazing. He had a genuine soul that was undeniable, he had a heart that you could not help but adore and he knew all of the right things to say or do in order to wash away all of your troubles.
While we were laying in bed, I gently caressed his chest. I just wanted to soak it all in. Even if was just simply being beside him.
"What's wrong baby?"
"Nothing. Just looking at you."
As he gently brushed my arm he trusted his intuition and asked, "tell me what's on your mind."
So I let him hear it.
"We can't get attached."
He had his way with words and instead of agreeing with me, he said "we both believe that things happen for a reason." As he kissed me, he gazed into my eyes with contentment. "We just don't know what the reason is just yet but trust me when I say that I enjoy all the time that you give me."
There I'am saying in my head, that line was perfect! Where is the director waiting to call cut? Because really, who says that? But as he sat up to lean over he said, "for our hearts sake though, we'll stop this when you feel like it's best."
With relief I told him that he had to make me that promise.
And as he kissed me for the last time that night he said something that reassured me he was paying attention to every secret pocket of my heart, "We'll try our best so that both of us don't end up hurting."
..."The way you move, the way you look at me. There's something about the way you see things
its like a change of scenery. Everything about you, I just want more of."...
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's=Appreciation of Love Day
So no one really calls Valentine's Day a holiday because there are some of us that refer to February 14 as a "Hallmark Holiday." It may be another scheme by corporate America to lure consumers to spend more money in order to stimulate our economy but I think that we all have lost what this day really means.
As my favorite blogger Jozen said, there are different types of people on V-day. He says that there are couples that are into the day, couples that are over it and couples that use the day to make-up for all of the BS that they have gone through before February 14. However, you also have the people that are single but have someone in mind or are single and have no one at all.
I never liked Valentine's and it's not because I have had bad experiences but why do we need a special day to tell someone how much we appreciate and love them? Shouldn't that be done everyday? And yes getting surprise chocolates, teddy bears, and flowers are sweet gestures. However when a person expresses their gratitude and love with sincerity, there are no materialistic things in the store that can ever compare. A simple kiss on the forehead, a simple five second gaze into a person's eyes while saying "I love you" or "thank you for being you" is priceless.
So screw the labels of calling February 14 Valentine's or Single Awareness Day, I've always looked it as the Appreciation of Love Day. So to all of my friends that have a Valentine today, may that love grow more each day. For all of my friends that are single today, may you never forget to always love yourself first and may the love that you've been waiting so patiently for find you.
FROM ME TO YOU ON THIS VALENTINE'S DAY:
...To all of the hearts that I have broken, thank you for teaching me how to woman-up with what I really want in life. To all of the people that have broken my heart, thank you for teaching me how to mend one. To all of the people that I LOVE and are currently in my life, call it Valentines or Single Awareness Day; but I call it a day to APPRECIATE THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE THAT HAVE SHOWN US HOW TO LOVE...
"As the years they pass us by, we stay young through each other's eyes. And no matter how old we get, it's okay as long as I got you babe"...
As my favorite blogger Jozen said, there are different types of people on V-day. He says that there are couples that are into the day, couples that are over it and couples that use the day to make-up for all of the BS that they have gone through before February 14. However, you also have the people that are single but have someone in mind or are single and have no one at all.
I never liked Valentine's and it's not because I have had bad experiences but why do we need a special day to tell someone how much we appreciate and love them? Shouldn't that be done everyday? And yes getting surprise chocolates, teddy bears, and flowers are sweet gestures. However when a person expresses their gratitude and love with sincerity, there are no materialistic things in the store that can ever compare. A simple kiss on the forehead, a simple five second gaze into a person's eyes while saying "I love you" or "thank you for being you" is priceless.
So screw the labels of calling February 14 Valentine's or Single Awareness Day, I've always looked it as the Appreciation of Love Day. So to all of my friends that have a Valentine today, may that love grow more each day. For all of my friends that are single today, may you never forget to always love yourself first and may the love that you've been waiting so patiently for find you.
FROM ME TO YOU ON THIS VALENTINE'S DAY:
...To all of the hearts that I have broken, thank you for teaching me how to woman-up with what I really want in life. To all of the people that have broken my heart, thank you for teaching me how to mend one. To all of the people that I LOVE and are currently in my life, call it Valentines or Single Awareness Day; but I call it a day to APPRECIATE THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE THAT HAVE SHOWN US HOW TO LOVE...
"As the years they pass us by, we stay young through each other's eyes. And no matter how old we get, it's okay as long as I got you babe"...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Traits of The Opposite Sex
Recently, several friends have ask me what I look for in a guy and some laughed at me because it doesn't surprise them that my list never changes. Besides the obvious of a person being faithful, here are the traits that I adore when dealing with the opposite sex:
5. Humor
I've always said that if a guy can make me laugh then he is a keeper. Life has its serious moments and humor during those moments helps ease the tension and establishes some sort of comfort. Someone that has a sense of humor shows me that they are optimistic. In life, you need to surround yourself with people like that because who likes debbie downers? Good things happen. Bad things happen. Life happens. If that one person can laugh with me when we've both said or have done something foolish, then that means hours of fun just being in each other's company.
4. Adventurous
I've sky dived. I love the outdoors. I love trying all sorts of food. I love to travel. I feel that life is too short and that we should be crossing everything off of our bucket lists while having the time of our lives. I dislike boring. I dislike not being challenged. So every so once in a while, I seek out adventures to conquer. What makes these adventures a lot more memorable are the people that you do them with. I know that many people have phobias but if you hold my hand while I conquer a fear of mine, I promise that I will do the same. Life should be an adventure. There are many things that may scare us but the one thing that I've always tried to tell myself is this: "Being afraid got no one anywhere."
3. Ambition/Dreams
My guy has to be ambitious because ambition means drive. My guy can't be all talk and no implementation because the ladies can agree with me when I say that an ambitious man with a plan is sexy. The thing is that I have dreams and ambitions too. Things happen for a reason and in this life, sometimes you only have one shot. There is nothing that I love more about a person than their will to support me to help reach my dreams. Get it straight, I will support my man in any way that I can as well, even if it means distance between us or time taken away from us. Why do you say? Because like Wale said, "I like the person that you are but I’m in love with the person that you have potential to be."
2. Family
I come from two huge Filipino families. On top of that, being born and raised here in the islands, family is everything to me. To me, family means foundation. If you don't get along with my families or vice versa then I'm sorry honey, it's just not going to work. I can also tell a lot about a guy by the way he talks and treats his family. Meeting a significant other's family gives me a sneak peak of how he was brought up and how it may be if we were to ever settle down. Like what they say, you are marrying "into the family."
1. Intellect
I wear many different hats and I inter-mingle with all sorts of people. I have the career-girl hat, the school-girl hat, the fun girl hat, the protective sister hat and more. So my guy needs to know how to converse with all types of people and needs to have endurance to keep up with me. I need to be able to bring my boy out to a friends bbq but at the same time, he needs to dress-up clean too. My boy needs to have a personality that can adapt. The reason why intellect is #1 is because no matter what my guy and I may go through, he needs to respect my mind and must have the ability to bring new things to my table. He and I may not agree on a lot of things but at the same time, I love a person that can hold their ground and explain their reasoning. Nothing intrigues me more than a person that can hold a conversation while enhancing my mind set.
So I don't care if you can't buy me a house with a white-picked fence and I don't care if you aren't tall, dark or handsome. Money doesn't buy my happiness and looks eventually fade with age. So you can throw out those pick up lines and screw those dating rules...because on the real, you need to find someone that compliments you.
I know that in this world, people are not perfect but I'd like to think that there is someone out there for everyone.
..."Oh baby, bring it all to me but I don't need no fancy cars or diamond rings. Oh baby, bring it all to me. Give me your time, your love, your space, your energy."...
5. Humor
I've always said that if a guy can make me laugh then he is a keeper. Life has its serious moments and humor during those moments helps ease the tension and establishes some sort of comfort. Someone that has a sense of humor shows me that they are optimistic. In life, you need to surround yourself with people like that because who likes debbie downers? Good things happen. Bad things happen. Life happens. If that one person can laugh with me when we've both said or have done something foolish, then that means hours of fun just being in each other's company.
4. Adventurous
I've sky dived. I love the outdoors. I love trying all sorts of food. I love to travel. I feel that life is too short and that we should be crossing everything off of our bucket lists while having the time of our lives. I dislike boring. I dislike not being challenged. So every so once in a while, I seek out adventures to conquer. What makes these adventures a lot more memorable are the people that you do them with. I know that many people have phobias but if you hold my hand while I conquer a fear of mine, I promise that I will do the same. Life should be an adventure. There are many things that may scare us but the one thing that I've always tried to tell myself is this: "Being afraid got no one anywhere."
3. Ambition/Dreams
My guy has to be ambitious because ambition means drive. My guy can't be all talk and no implementation because the ladies can agree with me when I say that an ambitious man with a plan is sexy. The thing is that I have dreams and ambitions too. Things happen for a reason and in this life, sometimes you only have one shot. There is nothing that I love more about a person than their will to support me to help reach my dreams. Get it straight, I will support my man in any way that I can as well, even if it means distance between us or time taken away from us. Why do you say? Because like Wale said, "I like the person that you are but I’m in love with the person that you have potential to be."
2. Family
I come from two huge Filipino families. On top of that, being born and raised here in the islands, family is everything to me. To me, family means foundation. If you don't get along with my families or vice versa then I'm sorry honey, it's just not going to work. I can also tell a lot about a guy by the way he talks and treats his family. Meeting a significant other's family gives me a sneak peak of how he was brought up and how it may be if we were to ever settle down. Like what they say, you are marrying "into the family."
1. Intellect
I wear many different hats and I inter-mingle with all sorts of people. I have the career-girl hat, the school-girl hat, the fun girl hat, the protective sister hat and more. So my guy needs to know how to converse with all types of people and needs to have endurance to keep up with me. I need to be able to bring my boy out to a friends bbq but at the same time, he needs to dress-up clean too. My boy needs to have a personality that can adapt. The reason why intellect is #1 is because no matter what my guy and I may go through, he needs to respect my mind and must have the ability to bring new things to my table. He and I may not agree on a lot of things but at the same time, I love a person that can hold their ground and explain their reasoning. Nothing intrigues me more than a person that can hold a conversation while enhancing my mind set.
So I don't care if you can't buy me a house with a white-picked fence and I don't care if you aren't tall, dark or handsome. Money doesn't buy my happiness and looks eventually fade with age. So you can throw out those pick up lines and screw those dating rules...because on the real, you need to find someone that compliments you.
I know that in this world, people are not perfect but I'd like to think that there is someone out there for everyone.
..."Oh baby, bring it all to me but I don't need no fancy cars or diamond rings. Oh baby, bring it all to me. Give me your time, your love, your space, your energy."...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
A Fairy Tale Non-Believer
One of my favorite bloggers, Abi, talked about having a happily ever after in your own way. As I think about it, I was never the type to believe in fairy tales. Yeah, Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast were my favorite Disney movies but I as I grew up, I knew that there was no prince charming waiting in the midst to save me.
After overcoming one big conflict, fairy tales end happily. However, what about the follow-up? Relationships are never as seamless as it seems in movies. There are more hurdles down the road then what they play it out to be. I know for damn sure that I've never been a princess. Okay, so maybe I have been treated like one before but I obviously did not get into that white pumpkin carriage in the end to be wifed up.
I've never waited for a knight in shining armor to rescue me. If a wolf came running full force toward me, I will not be that littledamsel in distress. No running away here because my fist would be waiting to knock that beast in the face. If I got myself in a hot mess, I had to woman-up and climb over those stone walls in my stilettos if I wanted to save myself. You may think that I'm being an anti-relationship critic right now but I'm just saying....
For every person in this world, there is someone out there that was meant for you, I believe that. I know that I won't find a prince that will just give me everything that my heart desires because relationships mean work and collaboration. A relationship will only be as good as the hearts you both hold for each other through the roughest of times.
Like Abi said...there is "a Wil to my Jada." Because with tireless effort there is a Jay-Z to my Beyonce. A David to my Victoria. A Kekoa to my Makana.
..."don’t need the stilettos, I’m not cinderella. I don’t need a knight so baby take off all your amor….I don’t believe in fairy tales but I believe in you and me"...
After overcoming one big conflict, fairy tales end happily. However, what about the follow-up? Relationships are never as seamless as it seems in movies. There are more hurdles down the road then what they play it out to be. I know for damn sure that I've never been a princess. Okay, so maybe I have been treated like one before but I obviously did not get into that white pumpkin carriage in the end to be wifed up.
I've never waited for a knight in shining armor to rescue me. If a wolf came running full force toward me, I will not be that little
For every person in this world, there is someone out there that was meant for you, I believe that. I know that I won't find a prince that will just give me everything that my heart desires because relationships mean work and collaboration. A relationship will only be as good as the hearts you both hold for each other through the roughest of times.
Like Abi said...there is "a Wil to my Jada." Because with tireless effort there is a Jay-Z to my Beyonce. A David to my Victoria. A Kekoa to my Makana.
I don't believe in fairy tales but I do believe in
LOVE.
LOVE.
..."don’t need the stilettos, I’m not cinderella. I don’t need a knight so baby take off all your amor….I don’t believe in fairy tales but I believe in you and me"...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Maybe I Should Stop Saying It
Love.
Tell me what it really means to you. I often tell my family that I love them but that is always a given. I tell my friends that I love them as well. With acquaintances that I meet, sometimes I tell them that I "love" their ideas, their persona, and their actions. However someone told me that I use that word too freely and it got me thinking.
Love can mean so many things. Time, circumstances and the person itself all comes together to bring a different meaning to the word. When it comes down to it, love to me means appreciation. However that one specific person once told me that when I tell other people that I love them, they feel like the love I have for them are equal with everyone else. I told that specific person that just because I use that word with other people, that does not mean that the amount or depth of love that I have for everyone is the same. I've never used that word to lead people on or to give them the wrong intentions. I use the word love because I'm a very expressive person. Don't you like hearing the words love and having it associate with you? Because I for sure love it. It makes your heart tingle, it heightens your spirits and it makes you smile.
You may never know what may happen to you or the people that you care about. I feel that it is important to express those feelings with the people that are in your life while you are in the present moment. Remind them how much they mean to you. You will be surprised at the reactions you will get.
If I've told you that I loved you, I meant it.
If you are confused with the meaning, I can clarify my intentions and meaning for you.
If I've told you I love you before and I don't say it anymore, maybe it is because I've lost the meaning of those words when it comes to you or I'm waiting for you to say those words back to me.
I know that actions may speak louder than words and I'm suppose to already know how you feel...
but maybe you should just say something just so that I know that the feelings are mutual and so that I'm reminded of how much I still mean to you.
..."every time is the first time so I pretend it's the last time that I'mma ever hear you say those words"...
Tell me what it really means to you. I often tell my family that I love them but that is always a given. I tell my friends that I love them as well. With acquaintances that I meet, sometimes I tell them that I "love" their ideas, their persona, and their actions. However someone told me that I use that word too freely and it got me thinking.
Love can mean so many things. Time, circumstances and the person itself all comes together to bring a different meaning to the word. When it comes down to it, love to me means appreciation. However that one specific person once told me that when I tell other people that I love them, they feel like the love I have for them are equal with everyone else. I told that specific person that just because I use that word with other people, that does not mean that the amount or depth of love that I have for everyone is the same. I've never used that word to lead people on or to give them the wrong intentions. I use the word love because I'm a very expressive person. Don't you like hearing the words love and having it associate with you? Because I for sure love it. It makes your heart tingle, it heightens your spirits and it makes you smile.
You may never know what may happen to you or the people that you care about. I feel that it is important to express those feelings with the people that are in your life while you are in the present moment. Remind them how much they mean to you. You will be surprised at the reactions you will get.
If I've told you that I loved you, I meant it.
If you are confused with the meaning, I can clarify my intentions and meaning for you.
If I've told you I love you before and I don't say it anymore, maybe it is because I've lost the meaning of those words when it comes to you or I'm waiting for you to say those words back to me.
I know that actions may speak louder than words and I'm suppose to already know how you feel...
but maybe you should just say something just so that I know that the feelings are mutual and so that I'm reminded of how much I still mean to you.
..."every time is the first time so I pretend it's the last time that I'mma ever hear you say those words"...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Letter 6: Your Best Friend
Dear it-ten,
Even though we are blood, from the time we were of age where we knew what was going around us..we never really got along. I remember being 4 years old and always fighting with you. Pulling hair and secretly pinching each other. However who knew that later down the road that we would become as close as we are today. You know all of my best qualities and my flaws yet still love me for everything that I'am. You have been there to see me rise and you have seen me get back on my feet during all those times I've fallen. You know all my secrets and I know yours. You have always been there to keep me in check and tell me the straight facts like a warm shot of dark Henn.
We are a month apart and I often feel that you are the sister that I've never had. We tricked so many people in high school making them believe that we were really blood sisters with different dads. LOL. We have similar birth marks on our thighs for god sakes. I appreciate that you take care of my brother, you help mom from time and to time, and you are always looking out for me. You've always been willing to go to concerts with me, to hike with me, to shop with me, to try new things with me, travel with me and most importantly you have always been down for me. They say that blood is thicker than water and with the trials/tribulations that we have been through, this blood line will only get thicker and will be flowing stronger than ever. Love you sis.
your sister from another mister,
em-mel
We are a month apart and I often feel that you are the sister that I've never had. We tricked so many people in high school making them believe that we were really blood sisters with different dads. LOL. We have similar birth marks on our thighs for god sakes. I appreciate that you take care of my brother, you help mom from time and to time, and you are always looking out for me. You've always been willing to go to concerts with me, to hike with me, to shop with me, to try new things with me, travel with me and most importantly you have always been down for me. They say that blood is thicker than water and with the trials/tribulations that we have been through, this blood line will only get thicker and will be flowing stronger than ever. Love you sis.
your sister from another mister,
em-mel
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Because Of You
because there are so many reason why I love you.
because of you I love the way you are and the person you want to become.
because of you I'm fearless of where this uncertain road will take me.
because of you I feel beautiful with no make-up and just your t-shirt on.
because of you I feel like anything is possible.
because of you I look at my imperfections as trademarks of my unique soul.
because of you I react off of compassion as a way to help better our surroundings, our world.
because of you I don't need security, when our hands clasp reassurance is evident.
because of you when we lay at night, your warmth is all I need in this cold world.
because of you I push myself to the ends of the earth because I know you won't let me quit on life.
because of you words can't define our love, I can simply see it in your eyes and feel it in my heart.
because of you material things don't compare to your selfless love, it is priceless.
because of you I'm the person that I'am today.
and when I make my mark in this world...it was all
because of you.
"you mean so much to me, I want the world to see it's because of you. because of you my life has changed."
because of you I love the way you are and the person you want to become.
because of you I'm fearless of where this uncertain road will take me.
because of you I feel beautiful with no make-up and just your t-shirt on.
because of you I feel like anything is possible.
because of you I look at my imperfections as trademarks of my unique soul.
because of you I react off of compassion as a way to help better our surroundings, our world.
because of you I don't need security, when our hands clasp reassurance is evident.
because of you when we lay at night, your warmth is all I need in this cold world.
because of you I push myself to the ends of the earth because I know you won't let me quit on life.
because of you words can't define our love, I can simply see it in your eyes and feel it in my heart.
because of you material things don't compare to your selfless love, it is priceless.
because of you I'm the person that I'am today.
and when I make my mark in this world...it was all
because of you.
"you mean so much to me, I want the world to see it's because of you. because of you my life has changed."
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