Tech-No Drama

In this ever changing world, it would be an under statement if we were to say that technology is "improving" because technology has basically become a necessity to function in our everyday lives. Technology has revolutionized the way people see, think and do things for the worse or for the better.

Now days you don’t have to buy a newspaper to get your up to date news but log on to credible sites and watch speeches as they stream live. For goodness sake, you no longer have to be dialing up 823, 143, or meet me at the fountain with your pager code because you got text messages for that now. You got the web at the convenience of your fingertips. You no longer have to carry around cassette tapes but simply carry over 500 songs on one simple device. The possibilities that were thought to be impossible five years ago are tucked away in your back pocket and majority of today’s technology advances needs the internet to function.

Thanks to technology networks sites such as myspace and facebook, you can connect with friends that you haven’t seen in years. You don’t have to go down to a potential job to apply anymore because you can fill out the necessary forms online. LMAO, WTF, and BRB would not exist if it wasn't for the internet. You can DVR your shows from your computer and promoters can spread their events to a mass amount of people with a simple click. For the fellas I know you thank the internet for them half naked images of Jessica Alba and for the free porn. haha! You ladies also thank the internet for those exclusive discount rates and having those delish laced up outfits delivered straight to you. You also get to to be "in the know" of the ish that just went down before you hear it by mouth...and all because of the internet.

However, let’s take a look at the grim side. You got people from high school that you still don’t like just ask for a friend request. You got people like yourself, reading this very blog thinking that some of these entries are about you when really baby lets spit, the world does not revolve around you. You got the ex going through your page to see if you are miserable without them or you be purposely posting them wild pictures to show your ex that you have been fine without them. You got "supposed friends" checking up on your status so that they can add to their blank bullet amo. You got people that you don’t even know leaving messages in your inbox about ish that is irrelevant to you.

You got people forcing you to indulge in information that is just TMI and because of the internet, people got unwanted stalkers or got people making false profiles with false pictures of them on it. You got people busting out business up on peoples pages for the world to see or got people talking ish because they be misinterpreting comments. You got baby mama in a rage because she saw a picture of you and his son or baby daddy be trying to start a fight with you because you mention their daughter on a status update.

Although people lets get it out there, it’s the freakin’ internet. Rule #1 from a communications graduate student: DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING THAT IS ON THE INTERNET. Gaaaad. Please don’t be like one of them gullible fools that put Wikipedia down as a reference in a research paper, believe in an ad that the Acai diet will really make you lose 15 pounds in three days or believe in an email that a Nigerian man has a billion dollars waiting for you. If you know that it is good to be true or know that it ain't true then just leave it be. The pictures that you may see up on the net may have some circumstantial reasoning to them so don’t get your panties in a bunch because maybe he is just a friend to your girl...or maybe that crap he sent was written with washable markers. Let them people talk their ish and just press that “block user” button on them crazies. Leave the drama on the net and don't let it break you down or work you up because after all, why waste your time on people that don’t even benefit you? Look at that ish and just consider it as a mere flash of entertainment and if you are grown...
don't just talk about it, be about it.

Like a wise person that I know once said, "Be the bigger person and ignore what others say about you. We are grown adults here, so let's forget what people say on the internet and deal with what's going on in our real lives."

"Now you're running around talking, looking like a fool. I'd like to know what you going do and now who is laughing...when jokes been played on you."

All In Dignity

I have always valued my relationships with my family, friends and acquaintances. Whether I see them everyday or once every 10 years, I would like to think that they value my friendship the same way that I value theirs. When it comes to relationships, the word perfect does not exist. Despite the trials and tribulations, you would like to think that a person would at least give you the type of respect that any human being deserves.

With every problem individual’s face, some often release their thoughts by keeping it to themselves, talking to others, or writing them down. However when it all comes down to confiding in someone, I can proudly say that I only confide in a certain amount of individuals. There are certain people that I talk to about certain things and there are only two people that know everything (like my bff since the first grade and the other, my future maid of honor). Some people may think that my two sources of release would be bias but they have told me flat out if I have done wrong or crossed the lines, getting me to admit my faults.

You would think that if there is a problem between you and another person that they would not get people involved because that is the adult and mature thing to do. It is one thing to seek others thoughts regarding your situation but it’s another thing to put someone on blast for everyone to see. Guess some people want to maintain their image of being the good person that they are. However in reality, everyone has a good and bad side to them. The difference between me and other people in this world is that I won't point out a person’s faults for the whole world to criticize in order to make me feel adequate because that is just not how I play, especially with accusations that are based on false interpretations. Why would you need to tell everyone on your facebook list about your personal issues with someone? Do you need validation for your actions or what you are feeling? It may not be in other people's play book but I been taught to play fair and I know how it feels when others play dirty.

Whoever said that "sticks and stones will break my bones but words would never hurt me" is a liar. I'd rather feel the deadly wrath of his again--over 200 lbs., standing at 5'9 with a brick hand and a 100 times over then hear words that deface my character. I'll admit that I'm not perfect. I have done things that I'm not too proud of but let's just set the record straight, my heart has never wandered. People now days make assumptions with no hard evidence or believe everything that they read on the internet without asking you the load down face to face, knowing that you got actual sources to authenticate your story. I'd rather be cut up with bruises all over then to hear someone that I thought that I could trust, be the cruel and heartless person that they said they would never be. You’ve got medical remedies to heal your cuts and bruises but there are no guaranteed fixes for cruel words. It's hard to be heard when someone has other people whispering their useless two cents in their ear because lets face it...the person that is trying to argue with you is arguing about a pointless issue off of things that are non-existent.

In relationships, you can push the blame when you both face a problem but all in all..it takes two to tango. I could straight call this person out and stoop down to their level but what good would that do? I could say things like “although true beauty lies within the beholder, with you, your heart is stone cold and worthless” but I’m not. I don’t have to prove nothing to anyone but that one person that I’m having issues with. We can’t change the past or determine our future but we can take care of what we are dealing with right now. Whether it hurts to face our problems, when it comes to someone that I love and care about..it is hard to just walk away from it because I’m not a quitter. How can I be revived when this person uses other mediums to communicate with me instead of talking face to face? Whether this person wants me in their life or not, my doors have no lock and is open for discussions of clarification.

With reasons of all in dignity, through the good and bad, the tears and smiles, my wrong doings along with yours…all I can do is respect your wishes because I know that your stubbornness is as strong as mine. Maybe we took each other for granted, maybe we lost our way but my heart never second guessed or strayed away and always stood strong to weather out the storm. Although beaten and battered, throughout these years I have stood by this person’s side despite what he has done to me and despite what others have said. Why you say? Maybe it’s because you always think that things will get better in time and you would think that despite everything that you two have gone through, they would give you the decency to stop pointing fingers, setting pride aside and to at least consider the thought, that no one's to blame... maybe the game that the two of you had played left the both of you in a stale mate.


“We could've made everything ok but we just threw the blame back and forth. We treated love like a sport. The final blow hit so low I'm still on the ground.”

Case Of The Ex

Persistence is a good trait when it comes to situations like establishing credibility in your industry, getting that jump shot just right and pursuing your dreams. When it comes to persistence trying to make a relationship work especially when it is about pursuing a potential, then that is where I have to scream for the brakes and say halt. Persistence in that sort of stand point needs to be justified because if it means persistently trying to make the guy give you some sort of commitment then honey, you may just be barking up the wrong tree with the wrong tone.

What makes it so funny when it comes to traits of persistence are situations where you and a potential hit it off and a boulder seems to come out of no where right after it hears about you two. Just when you thought it was all good and gravy because the boy can carry a conversation, is very polite and is well put together--a case of the ex rolls through trying to tear all that ish up. Whether it is a case of a ex-girlfriend or a ex-potential, the chick is trying to strap your guy down some way or another by persistently trying to get your guy to "come back home." Although honey how can you get a guy to supposedly come back home when you two never signed a lease? and how you gonna come after me, running your mouth when I never said anything about you? I mean...I'll admit. I got no declaration ticket but we are sitting on the same baggage claim conveyor belt admiring no one else's company but each others - ain't no wrong in that so I don't understand why you trippin' off of it.

We all know that giddy feeling when we find a potential in the love department. You get that ear to ear smile when you see his name pop up on your cell phone, you plan the outfits way ahead of your set dates out and the butterflies that are flying in your tummy when you two hold hands seem to be flapping their wings so hard that it makes you work up a pair of clammy hands. Although this feeling may have you going ga-ga, the same feeling can make people territorial. For example the exs. Exs--just because you had the guy before don't mean ish to me because lets look at the facts:

1. You aren't together or probably never was.

2. He is a grown guy. He don't need you to be holding his hand. He can make his own decisions on what, where and when he wants to do things.

3. We ain't together either so that means he is free game. You can work your magic, be my guest but you know that if we roll up to a spot...he will tell everyone that he rolled up with me.

4. Actions speak louder than words.

Everyone can relate to having experienced the wrath of some crazy exs, maybe know some or potential crazy ones. lol. I just don't understand how someone can blow up my guys phone or place of work 10 times harder than I do, give my guy ultimatums with consequences attached and contact all of his boys or our mutual friends to investigate his stance or whereabouts. That's where I step back and laugh because its like..really? I mean..are you really gonna put yourself out like that? I'm not trying to say that I'm all that because trust me ladies and gents, I have my imperfections and flaws but why be down for someone that ain't down for you? From one female to another, a bad performing un-fulfilling woman drives a man away.

I totally understand the act of persistence when it means trying to make a relationship work but you have to have reasonable circumstances. Like if you have mutual friends or have kids involved, that all falls under the terms "reasonable" because whether or not two individuals agree to stay together, you two should respect each other enough to at least walk out of the relationship as friends. May I also add, you should not have to force things to work and you should not try to change people to conform to your ideologies of how a good significant other should be.

Girls should understand that even though a potential relationship didn't work out in the love department, you should be adult enough to leave the situation in good terms. If he don't want anything to do with you then why bother trying to keep that person in your life? There is no point in holding a salty grudge about a potential that happened a couple years ago or on to an ex that obviously has moved on. Never understood why girls believe that guys will find their way back because why are you going to settle benching on the sidelines when you have an opportunity to try out as a starter in the game?

Besides, he is in good hands.


"Ain't no need to fuss and fight tryin' to make it right. Certain things ain't meant to be and that's why...he's right here with me."

Girl/Boy Tree Climbs

My Boy Lionel & I had a conversation about my last blog with dating and this is his theory:

Girls View:
Girls are apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones cause they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good but easy. The apples up top think something is wrong with them. In reality they're the best. They have to wait for the right boy to come along the one who is brave, to go to the top.

Boys View:
Boys know that the best ones are on the top of the tree, It's not that we don't want to reach for them they just don't want to come off the tree when we pick them. The guys don't usually fall, it's usually the girls cause when it's picked and it falls off our hands there's a long way down and the fall is not soft, its hard. It then leaves a dent in it and some times it cracks open to the point where we see the bad seeds. The bottom apples are just as good as the top ones are...they just need a little shine towards the hearth.

I think that both views ring true and has its own defenses to it. However, I believe that no girl should lower her standards (unless they are ridiculous and unrealistic) and that guys should never think that they are unworthy. Both sexes should try at whoever they are interested in because you may never know unless you try. What do you think?

Dating's Double Standard

Trust me when I say this, I'm no expert in love and this is all based on my experiences or lessons that I have learned by watching friends go through it.


So I went off to dinner with my girlfriend to catch up at our favorite Italian spot. The topic about dating came up. My lovely beezy is dating this guy and we both know that he is dating another girl. You know those type of guys that seems so perfect on the exterior (but ladies please remember--even though they look perfect, there is ALWAYS something wrong with them--ALWAYS). The type of guy that says all of that cute ish to make you giggle and cheese constantly, only to know that that he is probably saying the same ish to the girl that he will be meeting up with in a couple of hours or so. The type of guy that seems to have it all figured out (having it all down on lock financially & mentally). The ones that got aspirations that got your eyes wide open, making you think that he got it all and is ready to find someone to share it with. Yeah, she dating one of those type of guys. haha.

There is no secret guide or book when it comes to relationships. There are no official rules to dating at all because if we did have one--everyone would be married, having kids, with happily ever after endings. Everyone has their own perceptions of what should be done. However I always say that with every guy/girl that you date, rules are made up as you go along. I told my girl that she should not sweat the other girl because let's face it, you aren't together and there has been no verbal commitment that you guys are exclusive. Plus the phase of "dating" just helps you reaffirm what qualities you want in a significant other.


So my babygirl tells me that she really likes him. Calls him on the daily, spilling personal secrets out there, talking about the future, and all that good stuff. However he doesn't call when he says he is, plans get cancelled, something seems different and the conversations are not so in-depth as before. That can only mean a couple of things. It's either he is really busy (physically and/or mentally) or he is spending time with the other girl. I was telling my girl that she shouldn't sweat things because it shouldn't matter what he does on his own time. I mean we are grown and single, we should be able to do things when we want, how we want and who with.


It's not rocket science, not all dating potentials work out. Everyone has their fair share of doops. So I told my girl straight up, "you should be secure of what you have to offer." Sure there are better fishes out there for him to catch but everyone is special and unique in their own sometimes twisted way, it's just a matter of which match fits and if there is chemistry there. The boy was obviously feeling my girl for a while so she should view it as a practice run. She shouldn't restrict herself to someone that is not reciprocating. Plus, jealously and insecurities is a dangerous combination (especially with us Asian girls, we can be crazy. I ain't denying it at all. Get me worked up and this crazy beezy will unleash. :P). My girl should not have to "chase." Believe me when I say that there are some things worth going after but when the other end ain't putting the effort...then its time to re-evaluate the situation and ask yourself why you two are even dating in the first place.


This is how I see it, sure the boy may be saying the same ish to you that he just told a girl 5 seconds ago through a text but establish the honesty factor out there. I believe that everything that comes out of a person's mouth should be said with meaning because if the boy is pulling crap out of his behind just to please your ear, then honey that boy should be cut. If you have a gut feeling that what he is saying is horse poop, go with that gut feeling because for me 99.9% of the time, my gut feelings are speaking truth. If the relationship is not based on honesty and trust then you are just starting off on the wrong foot to begin with.


Babygirl thought that if she changed up her game that he would be more interested, maybe re-light that spark that they had before. However realistically, you shouldn't have to force things to work out. I told her that she shouldn't have to alter herself in any way and vice versa. That is not how it works because when it comes to changes that are specifically aimed to lure a person in--that just smells out stink news, especially when it comes to relationships. She told me that things aren't the same because they have had some disagreements, small arguments here and there. I told her that it's natural to have disagreements because who wants a person that has no opinion of their own and agrees with everything you say? However, I did mention to her that sometimes the truth is--the bad may have damped the fuse.


I know how it feels to be all confused during the dating process. Especially with this specific situation, you start to analyze everything that you two have done because of accusations that you start to notice (haha and now that's a whole different blog topic). Babygirl just needs to confront the boy so that things can be said all out in the open. You have to be real, some things are just not be meant to be and you can't make anyone love you.




..."You can't keep your word because I know that it's just not the same. So just be a man about it and tell me if your heart ain't in it no more"...

In The Moment

This past week embodies the phrase of “in the moment”. There is no doubt in my mind at all. There were things that were kept inside in order to keep me in check. Don’t get me wrong, the things that happened were the greatest experiences of my life. For the first time in a long time, I let myself go. I let things happen without precautions and let fate take its course. However the thing was that after a while, feelings started to grow. In matter of fact feelings that were often denied, surfaced as a reinforcement of what has been felt all along.

Long conversations that were often linked through a wire, different time zones, or in places where only dreams appeared--were now taking place in real life, real time and face to face. What if, what could have been and when we will were discussed often at 5 or 6am in the morning. Topics that were often discarded in fear of opposed feelings were discussed with open minds and open hearts.

As the days went on not only did I realize what could be, I was able to learn about this wonderful person and learn more about the things that has made their character so astounding. More so, I had learned more about myself as well. “Tell me a secret?” sessions put me out in a vulnerable state because not only was I afraid of what this person would think about me, I feared that it would push them away because of my hypocritical ways. The past was brought up and discussions of how this time around...for once...this was different from every other.

Realistically, the flight from cloud 9 had been a back and forth trip with turbulence in between. I was a little hesitant to live in the moment since we both knew what we were getting ourselves into and we knew that within a couple of days, we would be back to our normal lives--without each other in it. Twin peaks was a conversation that was needed because we laid everything out on the table but a few side notes were kept close to my heart because I did not want to hurt any one's feelings. People flaked that night but that conversation was a great start to a night that we both would never forget. This was probably the night I was dubbed a "BSB."

Patron & Jameson along with Double Dutch & Skylar = a rare thing, for me at least. I'll admit that I needed the alcohol to give me a little push because deep down, I've been waiting months to tell this person how much I cared. The alley way could have been a scene taken from a movie. Girl has feelings and cries out because despite the intoxicating influence, she was genuine. I'm usually happy when I drink but this person deserved the truth. Whether it hurt me in the end, I knew that this person had been very patient and because my heart knew that I loved this person.

Tables turned the night we went to my city playground. This person confessed things that I would have advised them not to do. A load of savings to NYC, time off of work, and emotional investment were things that I did not expect. The inevitable happened because this person opened up so much to the point where I could see the signs in their eyes. My heart dropped in their hands and I stood there, feet planted with tears held back. Because this was real, it was really happening, and the feelings over took everything we ever thought imaginable. How can someone put their emotions out there like that? It was because it had to dwindle down to one thing: they were so much in love.

We have dreams bigger than our cities, bigger than each other but I know deep in my heart as much as it will hurt--we need to live our lives according to our original play book. We need to do things that are right for us. We have come too far. Maybe I'm making a selfish decision, maybe I'm afraid, maybe I'm lying to myself, maybe I'm not ready, maybe its because i know I can't commit, maybe its a bunch of things rolled up together. Maybe the past has got me tainted.

That one morning when we watched the sun rise after another early morning conversation, a piece of my heart tucked itself into their back pocket. I know one thing will never change. And trust me, it was not just an ordinary "in the moment" spontaneous action. When i said those precious words in front of that cold marina, believe me when I say that I meant every word.


…"you've gotta live your life. I won't stop you. you've gotta do what's right for yourself. No matter what you do, I'll always love you…..I'll pray our roads will cross again someday”….