Dating's Double Standard

Trust me when I say this, I'm no expert in love and this is all based on my experiences or lessons that I have learned by watching friends go through it.


So I went off to dinner with my girlfriend to catch up at our favorite Italian spot. The topic about dating came up. My lovely beezy is dating this guy and we both know that he is dating another girl. You know those type of guys that seems so perfect on the exterior (but ladies please remember--even though they look perfect, there is ALWAYS something wrong with them--ALWAYS). The type of guy that says all of that cute ish to make you giggle and cheese constantly, only to know that that he is probably saying the same ish to the girl that he will be meeting up with in a couple of hours or so. The type of guy that seems to have it all figured out (having it all down on lock financially & mentally). The ones that got aspirations that got your eyes wide open, making you think that he got it all and is ready to find someone to share it with. Yeah, she dating one of those type of guys. haha.

There is no secret guide or book when it comes to relationships. There are no official rules to dating at all because if we did have one--everyone would be married, having kids, with happily ever after endings. Everyone has their own perceptions of what should be done. However I always say that with every guy/girl that you date, rules are made up as you go along. I told my girl that she should not sweat the other girl because let's face it, you aren't together and there has been no verbal commitment that you guys are exclusive. Plus the phase of "dating" just helps you reaffirm what qualities you want in a significant other.


So my babygirl tells me that she really likes him. Calls him on the daily, spilling personal secrets out there, talking about the future, and all that good stuff. However he doesn't call when he says he is, plans get cancelled, something seems different and the conversations are not so in-depth as before. That can only mean a couple of things. It's either he is really busy (physically and/or mentally) or he is spending time with the other girl. I was telling my girl that she shouldn't sweat things because it shouldn't matter what he does on his own time. I mean we are grown and single, we should be able to do things when we want, how we want and who with.


It's not rocket science, not all dating potentials work out. Everyone has their fair share of doops. So I told my girl straight up, "you should be secure of what you have to offer." Sure there are better fishes out there for him to catch but everyone is special and unique in their own sometimes twisted way, it's just a matter of which match fits and if there is chemistry there. The boy was obviously feeling my girl for a while so she should view it as a practice run. She shouldn't restrict herself to someone that is not reciprocating. Plus, jealously and insecurities is a dangerous combination (especially with us Asian girls, we can be crazy. I ain't denying it at all. Get me worked up and this crazy beezy will unleash. :P). My girl should not have to "chase." Believe me when I say that there are some things worth going after but when the other end ain't putting the effort...then its time to re-evaluate the situation and ask yourself why you two are even dating in the first place.


This is how I see it, sure the boy may be saying the same ish to you that he just told a girl 5 seconds ago through a text but establish the honesty factor out there. I believe that everything that comes out of a person's mouth should be said with meaning because if the boy is pulling crap out of his behind just to please your ear, then honey that boy should be cut. If you have a gut feeling that what he is saying is horse poop, go with that gut feeling because for me 99.9% of the time, my gut feelings are speaking truth. If the relationship is not based on honesty and trust then you are just starting off on the wrong foot to begin with.


Babygirl thought that if she changed up her game that he would be more interested, maybe re-light that spark that they had before. However realistically, you shouldn't have to force things to work out. I told her that she shouldn't have to alter herself in any way and vice versa. That is not how it works because when it comes to changes that are specifically aimed to lure a person in--that just smells out stink news, especially when it comes to relationships. She told me that things aren't the same because they have had some disagreements, small arguments here and there. I told her that it's natural to have disagreements because who wants a person that has no opinion of their own and agrees with everything you say? However, I did mention to her that sometimes the truth is--the bad may have damped the fuse.


I know how it feels to be all confused during the dating process. Especially with this specific situation, you start to analyze everything that you two have done because of accusations that you start to notice (haha and now that's a whole different blog topic). Babygirl just needs to confront the boy so that things can be said all out in the open. You have to be real, some things are just not be meant to be and you can't make anyone love you.




..."You can't keep your word because I know that it's just not the same. So just be a man about it and tell me if your heart ain't in it no more"...