After a series of introductory questions, the inevitable question of "what happened to us?" came about. What am I suppose to say to that? I looked at the face that I once said that I would die for and all the pain that I had suppressed all these years resurfaced on my broken heart. The tears started flowing for the both of us because deep inside we knew that we still loved each other but we were no longer "in love" and we knew we weren't in love for a longtime. We waited for everything to fall apart on its own because we didn't have the heart to break it to the other person.
I spent 1/5 of my life with this guy. We talked about things that we should have resolved when we were facing these problems in the flesh but we agreed that we had always thought our problems would solve themselves. I told him how hurt I was by his betrayal and he told me how hurt he was by my lack of appreciation. He was my longest relationship and to this day, I can say he was the only person that I could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with. For god sakes, we lived with each other for three, we have a dog and treat her as if she’s our child--constantly battling for custody. Heck, he was the first boyfriend that had ever bought me a diamond and was not afraid to put a ring on it. I brought up the issue of him having lack of faith in me and he brought up the fact that I was too focused on my career. “You worked all the time and that hurt our relationship when all I wanted was time with you," he said.
This hurt me a lot because I knew this, it was nothing new. At one point during our years together, I held four jobs and went to school full-time. He would wake me up in the morning for work, he’d set-up my toothbrush with the toothpaste on, he’d cook for me, do my laundry and even planned outings on Sundays because those were the only days that we both had off--I had it good, well..sometimes. As much as I loved him, I still chose my job. I remember canceling our yearly anniversary plans because an overtime shift became available. I know what you folks may be saying, "what a cold hearted b*tch, poor guy" but at the same time you have to understand that at several points, my income had to provide for the both of us. And when it came to career opportunities, he was the first to question my optimism--giving me the feeling that he questioned what I was even capable of.
I told him that I pushed hard for the both of us so that we could have something better and so that we could live comfortably. I wanted him to see that I could admit my faults but also have him recognize his lack of drive. I wanted him to see that I tried to motivate us to be successful in our own right. “I love you but we both have changed” and to that I call BULL because we both haven’t nor were we willing to. We are both the same but it’s just that I was tired of putting up with his bull and he had grown prone to stop putting up with mine.
“We are the right people at the wrong time.” is what he said and I don’t really know if I can incorporate that phrase into this situation because if we were the right people, we would have made the best out of the time we had and we would have made it last till the time was right.
Him: I’m glad that we got all of this out.
Me: Me too.
Him: I’m happy that things are going well for you.
Me: Thank you.
Him: There are so many things that I wish we did. Do you wish we would have done things differently?
Me: I don’t regret a damn thing.
Him:
Me: Say something.
"you and me only and I did it all for you, still you were lonely. we could of worked it out but i guess things change.its funny how someone else’s success brings pain"
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