A little late, now never

Every single thing that can screw up a relationship, I have been through.
I’ve always fell victim to giving people second, third, fourth, fifth, and even sixth chances.
Maybe it is because I believe that people make honest mistakes but then again maybe it is because in actuality--it is because I think they will eventually realize the love that is standing in front of them.
Past relationships has made me very guarded and things that guys think are so smooth don’t work on me.
When it comes to taking chances on love I steer around it and try to avoid it at all costs.
I have filled the void of love by concentrating on school and my career.
My drive to better myself and to get ahead in this world has dampened the relationships that I have had with my past significant others and love prospects so I have often relied on the love of my friends and family because they have always understood.
I have only been in a few relationships but all of them have been over a 2 years. I have looked at each one thinking about the long run but things happen and paths end up paved in the opposite directions.
With every relationship failed, I have recollected myself and have pieced everything back together but the walls around my heart grew higher and my guards reinforced.
I tried to keep a secret to myself but feelings formed.
I asked questions and my interest grew.
Priorities and fear intertwined which held me back.
But I built up the courage to take a risk that I have never taken before.
I placed my heart up on a stage for this one person, our friends and for curious onlookers to see.
I risked it by allowing my heart to be so vulnerable without knowing the other person that well and with no preconceived knowledge of how the other person felt, it is like almost asking to be publicly humiliated—walking in blind. but...
It was now or never.
I prepared myself for his words of rejection but little did I know I was the center of disappointment.
A million things raced through my head as I tried to explain where I was coming from.
Suggestions, enlightenment, and hypothetical questions have been brought up repeatedly from more than one source yet everything came down to he and I.
The stories that I have heard were true when we spoke, his mindset sounded similar to mine.
It is hard to go on a hunch that you are unsure of in the first place.
It just happened and I just did not want to look back at this opportunity and regret not doing anything about it…
But…I gave a little too late.
Even though things did not pan out, I have to remember that things happen for a reason and that I tried to offer all that I've got to his table.
I’m disappointed at myself for letting my fear get the best of me.
Maybe things would have been different, maybe.
But then again I just need to pick up the pieces and move forward.
This hits me hard because I’m never the type to chase and yet when I finally decide to pursue, it becomes a case of trial and error.
People were put into your life for a reason and maybe he is my omen of “you never know until you try.”
Wrong timing? Without a doubt.
What was I thinking? With my heart.
Heartbroken? Unexpectedly.


If YOU are reading this:
Take a chance like I have. I know that you are trying to protect yourself but you will be missing out in ways, I guess...because I missed out on getting to know you better. I’ve learned a lesson from this. I truly hope you find success and happiness in all that you do. When you do find someone that you feel you can share your heart with, I hope they realize what a great man you are and see the qualities that I fell hard for.